Sigbovik 2009#
A Record of The Proceedings of SIGBOVIK 2009
April 5th, 2009
Carnegie Mellon University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania USA #1
i
ach Association for
Computational Heresy
Advancing Computing as Tomfoolery & Distraction
--- or ---
Hey, Kids, Get Off My Lawn
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- Pfenning, Pfenning, and Pfenning, pro-bono legal council for the
Association for Computational Heresy
ii
A Message From The Organizing Committee
The Association for Computational Heresy Special Interest Group (ACH
SIGBOVIK) on Harry Q. Bovik is delighted to present this, the Third
Annual Intercalary Workshop about Symposium on Robot Dance Party of
Conference in Celebration of Harry Q. Bovik's (26)th birthday.After the success of the first ever (though "Second Annual")
Intercalary Workshop last year, the ACH SIGBOVIK Governing Board
agreed with the conference organizers that the keg of relevant
research was not yet kicked, the oil well not yet capped, the X not
yet Y (see Figure 1).forest not yet clear-cut
septic tank not yet drained
revision not yet resubmitted
null hypothesis not yet rejected
nsf funding not yet squandered on colored pencils
whirling maelstrom not yet done whirling
pun not yet intended
river not yet dammed
existential type variable not yet generalized
vandalism not yet reverted
house not yet burned down
P not yet made equal to NP
mountain not yet strip-mined
"That's what she said" not yet stated
baggage not yet screened
liquids and gels not yet consolidated into a one-quart zip-top bag
hbox not yet overfulled
maximum recursion depth not yet exceeded
what I'm looking for not yet found
dysentery not yet you have died from it
adulterer not yet stoned
"strong reject" not yet recommended
joke not yet beaten into the ground
Figure 1: Metaphors, more or less
We hope, as always, that you will be enlightened and inspired by this,
the proceedings of SIGBOVIK 2009.
22220
This year also marks the introduction of the SIGBOVIK Most Influential
Paper FromYears Ago award. As the flagship ACH conference, we are of the firm
belief that the field of
iii
Computational Heresy has an important role to play in assisting those,
particularly those of the graduate student persuasion, who find
themselves affected by Great Depression 2.0. It is in light of this
that we are presenting this honor to Harry Q. Bovik's own seminal
work, the May 1993 "Professional Student's Strategy for Perpetual
Funding at CMU," published as CMU Technical Report CMU-CS-93-000.This paper was nearly lost to the ravages of time, but we have found
what may be the sole remaining copy on the 8th floor of Wean and
have the honor of republishing it in these proceedings.Sincerely,
The SIGBOVIK 2009 Organizing Committee
A Message From The Program Committee
SIGBOVIK has long been hailed as an innovator in the field of
Conference Theory; the original binarennial scheduling was
revolutionary when introduced in 1944 on the occasion of Harry Q.
Bovik's (20)st birthday, and that revolution was rerevolved in
2008 upon the introduction of the Intercalary Workshops. Similarly,
SIGBOVIK's "Plenary Program Committee" paradigm has been hailed as a
triumph of crowdsourcing, open access, and other Web 2.0 buzzwords.This year, we were privileged to be able to use EasyChair conference
submission system, which allowed us to request formal reviews for the
first time. In keeping with the "Plenary Program Committee" paradigm,
we choose not to squirrel away these significant contributions to
scientific and literary advancement in the darkness; squirrels don't
even like paper reviews. Instead, we wished to invite you, the reader,
to participate in SIGBOVIK 2009 in a more rich and nuanced manner, and
therefore we have shared these reviews with you in order to assist in
your evaluation of the papers contained in these proceedings.This year marked a number of firsts for SIGBOVIK. We had what may be
the first invocation of Godwin's Law in the reviews of a paper ("The
One True Coding Style," Ed. Jim McCann), though in all honesty ECOOP
probably beat us to the punch on that one.We also had a tragic first for SIGBOVIK: the first paper rejected due
to an ethical violation. Zachary Anderson's submission, entitled
"Plagiarism," was found, upon review, to be a cheap rip-off of
Christina Dinwoodie's submission, entitled "Plagiarism." This disaster
might have gone unnoticed had reviewer Christina Dinwoodie not noticed
the dastardly act in her review of Zachary Anderson's submission. We
sadly acknowledge this milestone as the unfortunate side effect of a
conference that is increasing in relevance and importance.Sincerely,
The SIGBOVIK 2009 Program Committee
iv
Table of Contents
2220
Track 0: Most Influential Paper From 2 Years Ago
ɶ INFLUENTIAL REFLECTION
Reflections on Bovik's Seminal
Work.........................................................................3
Dean Sutherland, Maverick Wooɶ INFLUENTIAL TECH REPORT CMU-CS-93-000
Professional Student's Strategy for Perpetual Funding at CMU
.................................5 Harry Q. BovikTrack 1: Google Totally Sponsored SIGBOVIK This Year
ɶ GOOGLE INVENTED NATURAL LANGUAGE PROCESSING
GLADLIBS:
Google-Licensed Auto-Deredactation-Lumination Input-Based
System....................13 Michael P. Ashley-Rollmanɶ GOOGLE INVENTED AL GORE
MapReuse and MapRecycle:
Two More Frameworks for Eco-Friendly Data
Processing.........................................19
Mary McGlohonTrack 2: Lies, Damn Lies, and Applications
ɶ LIES ABOUT AUTHORSHIP
Plagiarism....................................................................................................................25
Christina Dinwoodie, NOT that charlatan Zachary Andersonɶ LIES ABOUT THE PAST
Historical Approaches to History-Independent
Histories............................................31
Daniel GolovinTrack 3: Religulosity
ɶ RELIGIOUS WARS
The One True Coding Style
.........................................................................................37
Ed. Jim McCannɶ RELIGIOUS TRACTS
All That Is The Case
....................................................................................................47
Joe J. Witt Publicationsɶ RELIGIOUS CERTAINTY
Proof for the Existence of God
....................................................................................49
Rafael Zhivago
v
Track 4: Category Theory
ɶ IN UR ALPHABET, TEACHIN UR CHILDREN
A Categorical Primer
...................................................................................................53
Kat E. Goreyɶ IN UR ROBOTS, MAKIN UR METAMODULES
Cat-Catom Rendering (in
pictures)..............................................................................61
Michael P. Ashley-Rollman, James McCannɶ IN UR ANALYSUS, EVALUATIN UR ANIMATIONS
A System for Unbiased Computer Animation evaluaTion
(C.A.T).............................65 Laura C. Trutoiu,
Amar Phanishayee, James L. McCannTrack 5: Pretty Pictures and Tasty Food
ɶ RENDERING FAITHFUL GRAPHICS
Photorealistic
Rendering..............................................................................................71
James McCannɶ RENDERING UNFAITHFUL GRAPHICS
Non-photorealistic
Rendering......................................................................................73
James McCannɶ TASTY, TASTY GRAPHICS
Generalized Hamantaschen with Spectral Nourishment Analysis
..............................75 Jean McColumnɶ PITTSBURGH IN GRAPHICS
A Comparative Photographic Analysis of Pittsburg(h)
...............................................77 Long
MacT. McVu, Bowen O'T. "Finnegan"MacLee,Michael McP. O'Ashley-MacRollman, Clarence McDonner
ɶ ASCII GRAPHICS
The Edible Logical
Framework...................................................................................83
Chris Martens, William Lovasɶ COMPRESSING GRAPHICS
An Overcomplete Representation for Motion Capture Compression
.........................87 Jim McCannɶ AUTOMATIC GRAPHICS
AutoTALK: Automatic Presentation Graphical Toolkit
..............................................93 Alga
Rhythm
vi
Track 6: Software Engineering and Other Games for Children
ɶ ENGINEERING RUBBISH
The CRUD Methodology
............................................................................................97
Akiva Leffertɶ ENGINEERING FORMAL METAWEB 3.0
High-Assurance Web Programming with Coq
Rock!..................................................101
Jake Donhamɶ ENGINEERING NEGATIVE FEEDBACK
How to teach the kids logical frameworks with video
arcade.....................................107 Tom Murphy
VII, George Frankly, Kate Mondayɶ ENGINEERING HARM TO CHILDREN
Lucky Charms or Lucky
Harms?.................................................................................115
B. Lee, C. Crunch, T. Rabbit, C. Chocula, T. Sam, T. Tiger, et al.ɶ ENGINEERING FREE WILL
Choose Your Own Logic
Adventure............................................................................117
Jason Reedɶ ENGINEERING WARCRAFT
Words of
Warcraft........................................................................................................127
Turing T. TuringTrack 7: Theory, Logic, and Applications
ɶ HIGH-ENERGY COMPLEXITY THEORY
Accelerating Program
Performance.............................................................................133
Dr. Tom Murphy VII, Ph.D.ɶ POLITICAL THEORY
Typesafe Government: Progress and Preservation
......................................................139
Chris Martensɶ DRUNKEN LOGIC
Focused drunken
logic.................................................................................................141
Robert J. Simmons, David Baeldeɶ LAXATIVE LOGIC
Poop Search for Laxative Logic
..................................................................................145
William Lovasɶ JOB APPLICATIONS
A Static Analysis of Post-PhD
Careers........................................................................147
Larry H. Kivobɶ MOBILE APPLICATIONS
Arkan∞id: Breaking Out of a Finite
Space..................................................................151
Nels E. Beckman
vii
Track 8: Real World/Computer Interaction
ɶ CONFERENCE PROCEEDINGS IN THE REAL WORLD
smart(CS) if and only if ("iff")
smart(human).............................................................157
Kevin Bierhoffɶ Welcome to the desert of the real world
Using Network Analytics in Agent Networks to Predict Cyber
Attacks.....................161 Thomas A. Andersonɶ MEANING IN THE REAL WORLD
Godot's Incompleteness Theorem: An
Introspective...................................................163
Chris Martensɶ TRACING IN THE REAL WORLD
Inexpensive Real-Time Ray Tracing
...........................................................................165
Michael P. Ashley-Rollmanɶ GETTIN' IT ON IN THE REAL WORLD
C'mon baby: Let's get together
...................................................................................167
Call Me
ɶ NOISES IN THE REAL WORLD
m
An Old Contemporary Analysis of
/m/........................................................................169
Greg Hannemanɶ GETTIN' AWAY WITH IT IN THE REAL WORLD
No, seriously, someone submitted this
shit..................................................................173
ɶ REAL REVIEWS IN THE REAL WORLD
Reviews of Paper #351: Sub-modular Density Functions for Robot Control
.............175 Dmitry Berenson
viii
Track 0
2220
Most Influential Paper From 2 Years Ago
ɶ INFLUENTIAL REFLECTION
ach
Reflections on Bovik's Seminal Work
...........................................3 Dean
Sutherland, Maverick Wooɶ INFLUENTIAL TECH REPORT CMU-CS-93-000
Professional Student's Strategy for Perpetual Funding at CMU ...5
Harry Q. Bovik
1
2
Reflections on Bovik's Seminal Work: Professional Student's Strategy for
Perpetual Funding at CMU
Dean Sutherland Maverick Woo
March 16, 2009
It's worked so far [1].1
References
[1] Harry Q. Bovik. Professional Student's Strategy for Perpetual
Funding at CMU. Technical Report CMU-CS-93-000, Department of Computer
Science, Carnegie Mellon University, May 1993.
1But you may graduate if you are not careful. -- Dean F. Sutherland,
Ph.D. May 2008 3
4
8
10
Track 1
Google Totally Sponsored SIGBOVIK This Year
ɶ GOOGLE INVENTED NATURAL LANGUAGE PROCESSING GLADLIBS:
Google-Licensed Auto-Deredactation-Lumination
ach
Input-Based System
.......................................................................13
Michael P. Ashley-Rollmanɶ GOOGLE INVENTED AL GORE
MapReuse and MapRecycle:
Two More Frameworks for Eco-Friendly Data Processing ...........19
Mary McGlohon
11
12
Abstract
GLADLIBS:
Google-Licensed Auto-Deredatation-Lumination Input-Based System
Michael P. Ashley-Rollman
Carnegie Mellon University
In A.D. 2101, war was beginning.
In this paper we explore the task of deredacting redacted docu ments.
Our algorithm, based upon the prior work on MADLIBS by McCann and
Slyper [2008], uses a Markov-model-like system we term Google.
This system uses a massive quantity of hardware to simultaneously
search a very large database of possible phrase matches. This data,
which we term The Internet, is a compilation of many text phrases.
Each of these phrases is evaluated for how well it fits into the
document and the optimal fit is selected.Our implementation vastly outperforms the original MADLIBS algorithm
and can even produce better results than the original work that is
being deredacted. We present a comparison of our results to those of
MADLIBS and demonstrate these serious im provements.Categories and Subject Descriptors 1 [Google Totally Sponsored
SIGBOVIK This Year]: GOOGLE INVENTED NATURAL LAN GUAGE PROCESSING
General Terms deredactation, Google, Teh Internets Keywords
tinfoil-hats, paranoia, NSA
1. Introduction
In this paper we explore the task of deredacting redacted docu ments.
Our algorithm, based upon the prior work on MADLIBS by McCann and
Slyper [2008], uses a Markov-model-like sys tem which we will
discuss in Section 3. This system uses a mas sive quantity1of
hardware to simultaneously search a very large database of possible
phrase matches. This data, which we term The Internet, is a
compilation of many text phrases. Each of these phrases is evaluated
for how well it fits into the document and the optimal fit is
selected.Our implementation vastly outperforms the original MADLIBS algorithm
and can even produce better results than the original work that is
being deredacted. We present a comparison of our results to those of
MADLIBS in Section 4.1 and demonstrate these serious improvements in
the orignal text in Section 4.2.1the precise amount is a trade secret
Copyright is held by the author/owner(s). This work is licensed under
the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 License. A copy of this license
is available online at http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/.SIGBOVIK '09 April 1st-5th, Pittsburgh
Copyright c 2009
What is ?!?
Somebody set up us the bomb. operator: we get signal. What !
Main screen turn on.
It's carolina .
How are you fine gentlemen !!
All your base are belong to us.
You are belong to destruction.
What you can ?
You have no chance to survive make your .
Ha -ha from wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (redirected from Ha ....
Captain!!
Take albums . lyrics . movies mailprintvote smallerlarger every 'ZIG'
!!You know about .
Move 'ZIG'.
For great apes .
Figure 1. Results using GLADLIBS
2. Related Work
Previous work in this area falls into two categories. First we have
prior work, such a SCIgen by MIT [2006], which solves a some what
different problem of generating an entire new document rather than
deredacting an existing redacted document. While SCIgen has been very
successful and even generated several conference qual ity papers such
as Rooter by Stribling et al. [2005] it does not re solve the
problem of deredacting a document. This works focuses on generating an
additional stream of text given a particular start and cannot handle
generating partial sentences or text when later text is known.The other category of previous work is directly related, but uses
inferior algorithms and generate inferior results. The current state
of the art in document deredactation is MADLIBS and presented by
McCann and Slyper [2008]. The problem with this approach is the use
of a Markov model and the resulting need to limit their input database
to a single document. Our algorithm is able to use a much larger input
database. We show in Section4.1 that our algorithm outperforms the
MADLIBS algorithm.
13
3. Algorithm
The primary algorithm used in GLADLIBS is a proprietary black box we
term Google, based upon the PageRank (Page et al. [1998])
algorithm. We submit the text surrounding the redacted section of the
document to Google and simply plug the first result into the blank
space of the document. This process is repeated until the document has
been completely deredacted.In particular, we first find the context for the blank in the docu
ment. The context is a simulation for the subclause in the sentence,
and is defined to be everything between the nearest punctuation mark
in each direction. This is a conservative approximation of the
subclause, in particular because it will break contractions into mul
tiple parts. Looking at an example in Figure 1, we see that the con
text for you fine is 'How are gentlemen' while the context forcarolina is 's'.
This context is submitted to the Google algorithm which returns a list
of suggested results that we call pages. Unfortunately, each page is
formatted in an inconvenient format. The formatting, how ever, can be
easily resolved by using a conversion tool we term less. This tool
takes our page in HTML format and converts it into an easy to use
format we call text.We then take the first page returned by Google, and look for the word
immediately to the left and the word immediately to the right of the
word that we searched for in the page. We start with the first
occurance of the word on the left and continue until we reach the next
occurance of the word on the right. This text is then pasted into the
document in the empty space. In the event that there is either no
context on the left or no context on the right of the empty space, we
take only a single word in the appropriate direction of the given
word.
Putting this all together, we see that to fill in carolina , we first
find the context which is 's'. We then enter 's' into the Google
algorithm which returns a list of results. Our first result in www.
myspace.com, but unfortunately our tool fails to find a satisfactory
selection of text to substitute in from this page. Our next result is
www.myspace.com which contains an occurance of 's carolina'. As we only
have left context, we are looking for a single word to follow 's' and,
therefore, we put 'carolina' into our .
The full algorithm is written in psuedo code and can be seen in Figure
24. Results
4.1 Comparison to MADLIBS
The original MADLIBS results are shown in Figure 3 while the GLADLIBS
results are shown in Figure 1. It is obvious to any in telligent
reader that the GLADLIBS results are superior to those of MADLIBS.
Furthermore, we would like to note that GLADLIBS inspires happiness in
people rather than the anger inspired by MADLIBS.4.2 Comparison to Original document
After the release of the original MADLIBS paper by McCann and Slyper
[2008], the original document was fully declassified. We have used
this document to judge the results of using the GLADLIBS system (shown
in Figure 1 and observed some im provements over the original text
(shown in Figure 4) in the areas of consistency, sophistication, and
clarity.4.2.1 Consistency
Note that after the usage of "All your base are belong to us," the
original document switches English dialect and states "You are on they
way to destruction." The version produce by GLADLIBS, however,
preserves its dialect and follows with "You are belong to!/usr/bin/sudo#
open(INPUTFILE, \"\<$ARGV[0]\");
open(OUTPUTFILE,\">$ARGV[1]\");
my $line;
foreach $line (\<INPUTFILE>) {
chomp($line);
while ($line =~ \"([\\w\\s]*)XXXX([\\w\\s]*)\" ) { my
($left,$right,$lefty,$righty) = ($1,$2,\"\",\"\");$lefty = lc($1) if ($left =~ \"(\\w+)\\s*\$\"); $righty =
lc($1) if ($right =~ \"^\\s*(\\w+)\");$_ = \"\\"$left\\" \\"$right\\"\";
s/ /+/g;
my $words = $_;
my $page;
my $url;
my $search = 'wget -q -O - 'http://ajax.google
apis.com/ajax/services/search/web?v=1.0&q=$words'';# try downloading webpages until we one works my $notDone = 1;
while ($notDone) {
if ($search =~ \"\\"url\\":\\"(.*?)\\"(.*)\") {
$url = $1;
$search = $2;
}
else {
# no results found from Google
$_ = $line;
s/XXXX/FUBAR/;
$line=$_;
$notDone = 0;
next;
}
$page = 'wget -q -O - '$url'';
# convert the page from html to plain text
open(TMPFILE,\">/tmp/sigbovik.html\");
print TMPFILE $page;
close(TMPFILE);
my \@lines = 'less /tmp/sigbovik.html';
unlink( \"/tmp/sigbovik.html\");
chomp(@lines);
$page = lc(join(' ', \@lines));
# Look in the page for the words we want
if ($page =~ \"\\b$lefty(.*?\\w.+?)$righty\\b\") { my $val
= $1;$_ = $line;
s/XXXX/$val/;
$line=$_;
$notDone = 0;
}
}
}
print OUTPUTFILE \"$line\n\";
}
Figure 2. Psuedocode for GLADLIBS
14
In A.D. 2101, war was beginning.
What repair if ?!?
Somebody set and lusty days to store thou get signal. What !
Main screen turn on.
It's and bristly beard then .
How are from thy gentlemen !!
All your base are the world us.
You are from that on to destruction.
What you should that which ?
You have no chance to survive make confounds in .
Ha end and Ha ....
Captain!!
Take every where every 'ZIG' !!
You know all the grave .
Move 'ZIG'.
For great with .
Figure 3. Results using MADLIBS by McCann and Slyper [2008]
In A.D. 2101, war was beginning.
What happen ?
Somebody set up us the bomb. We get signal.
What !
Main screen turn on.
It's you !!
How are you gentlemen !!
All your base are belong to us.
You are on the way to destruction.
What you say !!
You have no chance to survive make your time .
Ha Ha Ha Ha ....
Captain!!
Take off every 'ZIG' !!
You know what you doing .
Move 'ZIG'.
For great justice .
Figure 4. Original document declassified after the release of the
MADLIBS paper in 2008
Despite FUBAR ing IRB approval, we performed a rigorous user
study with non consenting users. Results were awful , as ex pected
(see Figure 2 and Table 1).
Figure 5. deredacted conclusion from original MADLIBS paper
destruction." Note that this sentence has the same meaning as the
original sentence, but is more consistent with the previous sentence,
improving the overall coherency of the document.4.2.2 Sophistication
Another excellent example of the improvements in the original doc
ument through the use of GLADLIBS is the increase in the overall
politeness of the document. Note that when the gentlemen are ad
dressed, the original document states "How are you gentlemen!!". The
GLADLIBS version, however, says "How are you fine gentle men!!".
This indicates that GLADLIBS has a better understanding than the
original author of how a gentleman should be addressed and is able to
use this to produce a superior document.4.2.3 Clarity
Finally we would like to note that most of this text takes the form of
a conversation. The original text made no effort to indicate who was
making which statement. GLADLIBS was able to clarify this by adding
various indications of who is speaking. It attributed one of the
statments to operator and another one to wikipedia. Addi tionally, it
change the address of one of the characters from "you" to "carolina"
to indicate who the other speaker is. Furthermore, in addition to
identifying the entity speaking these various lines, GLADLIBS
helpfully explained who wikipedia is as wikipedia was not formerly
mentioned in the original document.5. Conclusions
We have shown that GLADLIBS exceeds expectations in terms of its
ability to deredact text. Not only is it able to outperform the
previous state of the art in deredaction technology, it can even
produce better text than the original document. Finally, we were able
to deredact the conclusions of the original MADLIBS paper (shown in
Figure 4).6. Future Work
We intend to further investigate the ability of GLADLIBS to im prove
writing. We will explore writing improvement tools that take advantage
of the techniques in GLADLIBS. These tools will redact various parts
of a document that needs improvement and then deredact them to create
a better text. We hope that we can develop methods to find the fixed
point of this process and thus generate optimal text for the author.Acknowledgments
We would like to thank James T. McCann and Ronit Y. Slyper for
providing us with access to their redacted documents for compari son.References
J. McCann and R. Slyper. Madlibs: The markov redacted letter
interpretation b. system. In A Record of The Proceedings of SIGBOVIK
2008, volume 1, pages 59--62, April 2008.MIT. Scigen - an automatic cs paper generator. http://pdos.
csail.mit.edu/scigen/, 2006.
15
L. Page, S. Brin, R. Motwani, and T. Winograd. The pager ank citation
ranking: Bringing order to the web. Technical re port, Stanford Digital
Library Technologies Project, 1998. URL
http://citeseer.ist.psu.edu/page98pagerank.html.
J. Stribling, D. Aguayo, and M. Krohn. Rooter: A methodology for the
typical unification of access points and redundancy. In 9th World
Multiconference on Systemics, Cybernetics and Informat ics (WMSCI
2005), 2005.
It was nine o'clock at midnight at a quarter after three
When a turtle met a bagpipe on the shoreline by the sea,
And said no (3:39) [img] 170,591 plays (32,989 listeners) [img]10
shouts get rinsaid, "My dearie,
May I sit with you? I'm ovie ."
And careers for all of higher education may 28 what changed, and didn't
ransportation .
Said the turtle to ur , "I have walked this lonely shore,
I have talked to waves and pebbles--but I've never ...® " .
Will you marry me today, dear?
Is it 'No' you're going to say dear?"
But she didn't say no.
Said the turtle to ur , "Please excuse me if I stare,
But you have to , dear,
And you have the strangest hair .
If I begged and, FUBAR ,
Could I give you just one squeeze, love?"
And careers for all of higher education may 28 what changed, and didn't
say no.
Said the turtle and , "Ah, you love me. Then confess!
Let me whisper in your dainty ear and the ."
And he cuddled her and called her
And so lovingly he squeezed her.
And political pressure, rep. john lewis on wednesday formally announced
that hsaid, " FUBAR ."
Said the turtle to ur , "Did you honk or bray or neigh?
For 'Aaooga' when your kissed is such a heartless thing to say.
Is it that I have offended?
Is it that our love is ended?"
And careers for all of higher education may 28 what changed, and didn't
say no.
Said favoritesadvertise to FUBAR , "Shall i leave you, darling wife?
Shall i waddle off ended ? Shall i crawl out of your life?
Shall I move, depart and go, dear--
Oh, I beg you tell me 'No' dear!"
But she didn't say no.
So the turtle crept off crying and he ne'er came back no more,
And he left the bagpipe lying on that smooth and sandy shore.
And some night when serena ,
Just walk up and say, "Hello, there,"
And politely ask the bagpipe if this story's really so.
I assure you, darling children, won.net won't say "No."
Figure 6. The Bagpipe Who Didn't Say No
16
ach sigbovik [2009]{.underline}Plenary Program Committee
Confidential Paper Reviews
Paper 3: GLADLIBS: Google-Licensed Auto-Deredac tation-Lumination
Input-Based SystemJulia Cette, Machine Learning Department, Carnegie Mellon University
Rating: 2 (accept)Confidence: ¾
This work presents an algorithm to reconstruct [puppies] by using
[bootstrapping]. The work is [periodical] and presentation is
[handicapped-accessible]. However, it fails to cite the work of
[Optimus Prime]. Furthermore, it would be helpful to elaborate on
the role of [propaganda] towards [transportation] in the data used
for validation. Does this affect the generalizability of the work? Is
GLADLIBS applicable to [home-brewing] or [scrapbooking]?
17
18
MapReuse and MapRecycle : Two More Frameworks for Eco-Friendly Data
Processing
Mary McGlohon
Carnegie Mellon University
Machine Forgetting Department
5000 Forbes Ave.
Pittsburgh, Penn. USA
ABSTRACT
MapReduce has revolutionized data processing for the more
environmentally-minded. This work presents an additional
two frameworks for eco-friendly data processing: MapReuse
and MapRecycle. In both frameworks, like MapReduce,
users specify a map function that processes a key/value pair
to generate a set of intermediate key/value pairs. Then,
users specify either a reuse or recycle function, depending
on how much government funding they receive.
1. INTRODUCTION
As discussed in [5], cycle depletion has reached crisis lev
els. Therefore, a more environmentally-friendly approach to
data processing is critical to the continuance of large-scale
data applications such as web search, multimedia streaming,
and TheFacebook.
While MapReduce has begun to simplify this process, we
present two more frameworks, MapReuse and MapRecycle,
to give users more ways to process data while respecting
Mother Nature. We present these frameworks to be used in
favor of less environmentally-friendly data processing pro
cesses, such as overfitting, genetic program engineering, strip
data mining (which is not only unenvironmental but often
visually offensive, see Figure 1), and clustering baby seals
(see Figure 2).
A general overview for the execution of MapReduce, MapReuse,
and MapRecycle may be found in Figure 3.
2. MAPREUSE
While reduce functions reduce the data into more digestible
parts, reuse functions do not require making new data at all,
but rather allow the user to reuse data and/or research re
sults. Some examples of using MapReuse include:
• Share your sensitive data with the general public of
researchers. Being eco-friendly is more imporant than
user privacy [7].
• Bootstrapping [6].
• Plagiarism [1].
• Survey papers and journal submissions.
3. MAPRECYCLE
Sometimes your data suck and MapReduce and MapReuse fail to produce
useful results. For these cases, MapRecycle can help make new data or
research projects out of it. Thus,
Figure 1: A researcher engages in the frowned-upon practice of strip
data mining.
an alternate form of cleaning up data processing is to use re cycle
functions. Some examples of recycle functions include:
• Compacting and composting of garbage collection [2]. 19
{width="6.000110454943132in"
height="4.125076552930883in"}Figure 3: The exeuction overview for the
three frameworks of eco-friendly data processing.
• Incinerating data that disagrees with intended results.
• Switching research projects. Salvageable portions can
often be used as tech reports and "experience". Re
search advisors may sometimes be recycled.
• Dropping out of grad school to join a startup. This
typically successfully produces a free Master's degree
{width="3.3209580052493437in"
height="2.29912510936133in"}
and cushy salary, with a by-product of resentment from
fellow grad students.
The recycle portion has several steps: collection, sorting,
processing, and re-constructing.
Collection involves deciding whether or not to do away
with different parts of your data or research and kick them
to the curb. One important factor in the collection step
is the recycle bin. Specifying the recycle bin requires one
to determine an appropriate bin width. The suggested bin
width is:
h = 42*picas*
Sorting organizes the crappy data into different types of
crap. A detailed review of sorting algorithms may be found
Figure 2: A paint program user engages in the frowned-upon practice of
seal clustering.
in [3].
Processing is the center of the recycle function. Here dif ferent
types of lousy data are consolidated into reuseable components. The
exact processing method is determined by the user. For example, the
user may use simulated annealing to change the properties of the data.
Finally, re-construction of data into a more useful format or project
is done with the processed components.
20
{width="3.321036745406824in"
height="3.321036745406824in"}
Figure 4: Database management researchers object to environmental
soundness in data processing via MapReduce, MapReuse, and MapRecycle.
That's because they want all the data to themselves. Jerks.4. OPEN SOURCE IMPLEMENTATION MapFreecycleTMis made a wide
network of users who con tribute data and code implementing
MapReduce/Reuse/Recycle functions. 1It is implemented in Free-Trade
Java and is based on GreenFS. Clusters for MapFreeCycle have been
donated to several universities and third-world villages by Yahoo!.5. DISCUSSION AND CONCLUSIONS Other notable information about data
mining safety and environmental friendliness can be found in [4].
Database management researchers have objected to many data clean ing
methods. We call these people hoarders (See Figure 5). We propose
these frameworks to solve problems that were formally
non-eco-solvable, such as the Air-Traveling Sales man Problem and the
Cloud Covering Problem.6. REFERENCES
[1] C. Dinwoodie. Plagiarism. In The 8th Biarennial Workshop about
Symposium on Robot Dance Party of Conference in Celebration of Harry
Q. Bovik's 0x40th Birthday, Apr. 2009.[2] J. Donham. Compacting, composting garbage collection. In The
6th Biarennial Workshop about Symposium on Robot Dance Party of
Conference in Celebration of Harry Q. Bovik's 0x40th Birthday, Apr.
2007.1Due to the anarchist leanings of many members of the open source
community, this was originally implemented as Map DumpsterDiving.
However, it was unsettling to the wider audience.
21
[3] D. E. Knuth. Sorting and Searching, volume 3 of The Art of
Computer Programming, section 1.2, pages 10--119. Addison-Wesley,
Reading, Massachusetts,second edition, 10 Jan. 1973. This is a full INBOOK entry.
[4] M. McGlohon. Data mining disasters: A report. In The 7th
Biarennial Workshop about Symposium on Robot Dance Party of Conference
in Celebration of Harry Q. Bovik's 0x40th Birthday, Apr. 2008.[5] J. M. Newcomer and C. B. Weinstock. Cycle depletion-- a
worldwide crisis. In The 6th Biarennial Workshop about Symposium on
Robot Dance Party of Conference in Celebration of Harry Q. Bovik's
0x40th Birthday, Apr. 2007.[6] L. Wasserman. All of Statistics. Pink Book Publishing, 2004.
[7] Wikipedia. Aol search data scandal. http:
//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AOL_search_data_scandal, 2009 (accessed).
22
Track 2
Lies, Damn Lies, and Applications ɶ LIES ABOUT AUTHORSHIP
ach
Plagiarism
......................................................................................25
Christina Dinwoodie, NOT that charlatan Zachary Andersonɶ LIES ABOUT THE PAST
Historical Approaches to History-Independent
Histories..............31 Daniel Golovin
23
24
1. Introduction
Plagiarism
Zachary Anderson
Christina Dinwoodie
University of California, Berkeley
admit to plagiarism more than any other. However, this figure de
Plagiarism is the use or close imitation of the language and ideas of
another author and representation of them as one's own original work.
Within academia, plagiarism by students, professors, or re searchers is
considered academic dishonesty or academic fraud and o enders are
subject to academic censure. In journalism, pla giarism is considered a
breach o ournalistic ethics, and reporters caught plagiarizing typically
face disciplinary measures ranging from suspension to termination. Some
individuals caught plagiariz ing in academic or journalistic contexts
claim that they plagiarized unintentionally, by failing to include
quotations or give the appro priate citation. While plagiarism in
scholarship and journalism has a centuries-old history, the development
of the Internet, where arti cles appear as electronic text, has made the
physical act of copying the work of others much easier, simply by
copying and pasting text from one web page to another.
Plagiarism is not copyright infringement. While both terms may apply to
a particular act, they are di erent transgressions. Copy right
infringement is a violation of the rights of a copyright holder, when
material protected by copyright is used without consent. On the other
hand, plagiarism is concerned with the unearned incre ment to the
plagiarizing author's reputation that is achieved through false claims
of authorship.
2. Sanctions
2.1 Academia
In the academic world, plagiarism by students is a very serious of fense
that can result in punishments such as a failing grade on the particular
assignment (typically at the high school level) or for the course
(typically at the college or university level). For cases of repeated
plagiarism, or for cases in which a student commits se vere plagiarism
(e.g., submitting a copied article as his or her own work), a student
may be suspended or expelled. Many students feel pressured to complete
papers well and quickly, and with the ac cessibility of new technology
(the Internet) students can plagiarize by copying and pasting
information from other sources. This is of ten easily detected by
teachers, for several reasons. First, students' choice of sources are
frequently unoriginal; instructors may receive the same passage copied
from a popular source from several stu dents. Second, it is often easy
to tell whether a student used his or her own "voice." Third, students
may choose sources which are inappropriate, o -topic, or contain
incorrect information. Fourth, lecturers may insist that submitted work
is first submitted to an on line plagiarism detector17[ ].
In many universities, academic degrees or awards may be re voked as a
penalty for plagiarism.
There is little academic research into the frequency of plagia rism in
high schools. Much of the research investigated plagiarism at the
post-secondary level [14]. Of the forms of cheating (including
plagiarism, inventing data, and cheating during an exam), students
25
creases considerably when students are asked about the frequency of
"serious" plagiarism (such as copying most of an assignment or
purchasing a complete paper from a website). Recent use of plagia rism
detection software (see below) gives a more accurate picture of this
activity's prevalence.For professors and researchers, plagiarism is punished by sanc tions
ranging from suspension to termination, along with the loss of
credibility and integrity [18, 19]. Charges of plagiarism against
students and professors are typically heard by internal disciplinary
committees, which students and professors have agreed to be bound by
[10].2.2 Journalism
Since journalism's main currency is public trust, a reporter's failure
to honestly acknowledge their sources undercuts a newspaper or
television news show's integrity and undermines its credibility.
Journalists accused of plagiarism are often suspended from their
reporting tasks while the charges are being looked into by the news
organization [6].The ease with which electronic text can be reproduced from on line
sources has lured a number of reporters into acts of plagia rism:
Journalists have been caught "copying-and-pasting" articles and text
from a number of websites.2.3 Online Plagiarism
Content scraping is a phenomenon of copy and pasting material from
internet websites, a ecting both established sites [ 3] and blogs
[7].Free online tools are becoming available to help identify plagia rism
[4], and there is a range of approaches that attempt to limit online
copying, such as disabling right clicking and placing warn ing banners
regarding copyrights on web pages. Instances of pla giarism that
involve copyright violation may be addressed by the rightful content
owners sending a DMCA removal notice to the of fending site-owner, or
to the ISP that is hosting the o ending site.It is important to reiterate that plagiarism is not the mere copy ing
of text, but the presentation of another's ideas as one's own,
regardless of the specific words or constructs used to express that
idea. In contrast, many so-called plagiarism detection services canonly detect blatant word-for-word copies of text.
2.4 Other Contexts
Generally, although plagiarism is often loosely referred to as theft
or stealing, it has not been set as a criminal matter in the courts [
13]. Likewise, plagiarism has no standing as a criminal o ense in the
common law. Instead, claims of plagiarism are a civil law matter,
which an aggrieved person can resolve by launching a lawsuit. Acts
that may constitute plagiarism are in some instances treated as
copyright infringement, unfair competition, or a violation of the
doctrine of moral rights. The increased availability o ntellectualproperty due to a rise in technology has furthered the debate as to
whether copyright offences are criminal.3. Self Plagiarism
Self-plagiarism is the reuse of significant, identical, or nearly iden
tical portions of ones own work without acknowledging that one is doing
so or without citing the original work. Articles of this na ture are
often referred to as multiple publications. The issue can be either
legal, in the case where copyright of the prior work has been
transferred to another entity, or merely ethical. Typically, self
plagiarism is only considered to be a serious ethical issue in settings
where a publication is asserted to consist of new material, such as in
academic publishing or educational assignments. It does not ap ply
(except in the legal sense) to public-interest texts, such as social,
professional, and cultural opinions usually published in newspapers and
magazines.
In academic fields, self-plagiarism is when an author reuses por tions
of his or her own published and copyrighted work in sub sequent
publications, but without attributing the previous publica tion
[15]. Identifying self-plagiarism is often difficult because lim
ited reuse of material is both legally accepted (as fair use) and eth
ically accepted [21]. Some professional organizations like the As
sociation for Computing Machinery (ACM) have created policies that
deal specifically with self-plagiarism [8]. As compared to pla
giarism, self-plagiarism is generally unregulated. Some universities
and editorial boards choose to not regulate it at all; those consider
the term self-plagiarism oxymoronic since a person cannot be ac cused
of stealing from themselves.
Some recommended best practices for avoiding issues of self plagiarism
include:
1. Provide full disclosure mention in the introduction that the new
or derivative work incorporates texts previously published2. Ensure there is no violation of copyright; this may require
licensing the previous material from its copyright holder.3. Cite the old works in the references section of the new work.
The term "self-plagiarism" is a rhetorical device which attaches
pejorative connotations to all reuse of previously published mate rial,
some of which may be legitimate reuse. Issues of plagiarism and
self-plagiarism are often discussed in codes of ethics of var ious
academic disciplines, while issues of copyright infringement must be
distinguished from them as matters of applicable law in the country in
which they arise.
3.1 Factors That Justify Reuse
Pamela Samuelson in 1994 identified several factors which excuse reuse
of one's previously published work without the culpability of
self-plagiarism [21]. She relates each of these factors specifically
to the ethical issue of self-plagiarism, as distinct from the legal
issue of fair use of copyright, which she deals with separately. A
review of the literature reveals her discussion of self-plagiarism is
probably the most cogent and well-reasoned treatment of the few that are
in print.
Among other factors which may excuse reuse of previously published
material Samuelson lists the following:
1. The previous work needs to be restated in order to lay the
groundwork for the contribution in the second work.2. The previous work needs to be restated in order to lay the
groundwork for a new contribution in the second work.3. Portions of the previous work must be repeated in order to deal
with new evidence or arguments.4. The audience for each work is so different that publishing the
same work in different places was necessary to get the message out.5. The author thinks he or she said it so well the first time that it
makes no sense to say it differently a second time.These factors constitute compelling reasons for reuse of previ ously
published materials in the specified circumstances as excep tions to a
general practice of avoiding reuse.Samuelson states she has relied on the "different audience" rationale
when attempting to bridge interdisciplinary communities. She refers to
writing for different legal and technical communities, saying: "there
are often paragraphs or sequences of paragraphs that can be bodily
lifted from one article to the other. And, in truth, I lift them." She
refers to her own practice of converting "a technical article into a
law review article with relatively few changes--adding footnotes and
one substantive section" for a different audience [21].Samuelson describes misrepresentation as the basis of self plagiarism.
She seems less concerned about reuse of descriptive materials than
ideas and analytical content [21]. She also states "Although it
seems not to have been raised in any of the self plagiarism cases,
copyrights laws fair use defense would likely provide a shield against
many potential publisher claims of copy right infringement against
authors who reused portions of their previous works." [21]3.2 Acceptance of Reuse in Some Disciplines
In some academic disciplines, verbatim reuse of previously pub lished
material is generally avoided but is accepted practice un der certain
circumstances. Conference papers that receive limited distribution are
often converted into journal articles or chapters in books, and
journal articles are often recycled into chapters in books. Ideas in
one journal article are often developed further in subse quent
articles by the same author. Doctoral dissertations are fre quently
republished as books after revision. Material in one book is often
reused in another book by the same author, often with differ ent
publishers. Legitimate exceptions to the general norm are nu merous,
based on the purposes of development and dissemination of knowledge.
It is especially important where public safety may be at risk if a
single paper is not reaching a wide enough audience, for example in
product liability.The American Political Science Association (APSA) has pub lished a
code of ethics which describes plagiarism as "deliberate appropriation
of the works of others represented as one's own." It does not make any
reference to self-plagiarism. It does say that when a doctoral
dissertation is published as a book, the author is "not ordinarily
under an ethical obligation to acknowledge its ori gins." [1] This
indicates that some reuse of one's previous published work is accepted
practice in the discipline of Political Science, and does not
automatically raise ethical questions.The American Society for Public Administration (APSA) has published a
code of ethics which says its members are committed to: "Ensure that
others receive credit for their work and contribu tions," but it does
not make any reference to self-plagiarism [2].3.3 Examples
Thus, any claim there is a single, agreed standard concerning self
plagiarism across disciplines is specious. Even within a single
discipline, different norms are commonplace. The experiences of two
notable political scientists, David Easton and Irving Louis Horowitz
provide illustrative examples.In the preface to The Political System [11] Easton noted: "Parts of
this book are borrowed and adapted without benefit of quotation from
my previously published articles" in Journal of Politics in 1950 and
1951. He also said Chapters 6, 7 and 8 were published
26
previously in International Social Science Bulletin (1952). He did not
say they were republished with permission, and clearly did not feel
any ethical pangs about reusing them.
In the preface to A Framework for Political Analysis [12] Eas ton
said: "a brief outline of the central concepts of the present volume"
was previously published in the journal World Politics in 1957, which
was itself previously republished in "a number of collections of
readings in political science and sociology and was reproduced for
consumption abroad in Americana (1956-7)." Ap parently he considered
this book to be an elaboration or further development of concepts he had
previously published.
Although he briefly acknowledged in this manner republication of
previously published words and ideas, Easton provided only three or four
references to his previous publications in A Frame work for Political
Analysis. Easton did not reference every instance of reuse in the text,
perhaps because it was so frequent and substan tial. He also
acknowledged in the flyleaf of this book that Chapter 1 was previously
published as a chapter in an anthology published by the American Academy
of Political and Social Science in 1962.
Comparing the books, it is evident that although some sentences and
paragraphs were rearranged, many changes were either cos metic or
refinements in the development of his thinking, while oth ers were
virtually verbatim. The sequence of treatment was some what
rearranged, but the ideas and many of the words, phrases and sentences
were the same from one book to the next.For example, compare Easton: "...it is useful to interpret the in
fluences associated with the behavior of persons in the environ ment
or from other conditions there as exchanges or transactions that cross
the boundaries of the political system," to Easton "...it is useful
to treat the disturbances or influences occurring from behav ior in
the environmental systems as exchanges or transactions that cross the
boundaries of the political system" [emphases in origi nal] [12].
The words are slightly different, but the meanings are identical.
Identical tables appear in the two books published in 1965. Text
associated with each table contains the same ideas, and many of the same
words and phrases from one book to the other--and they were published in
the same year by different publishers.
Another example can be found in the experience of Horowitz, who was
famously criticized by a grumpy librarian [9] for repub lishing all
of the chapters in the 1986 edition of a book virtually unchanged,
adding a few new ones [16]. Of twenty-four chapters in the 1991
edition, two-thirds previously appeared in the 1986 edi tion, only
eight being added, four of which had also been published elsewhere.
Minor editorial changes were made in some of the older chap ters, and
several of the newer ones were substantial revisions and recombinations
of other publications including book reviews, but not much new was
added. In one chapter, Horowitz articulated the view that republication
is necessary in the social sciences to dis seminate research results and
make them useful to society [16]. This view is consistent with
theories of technology diffusion and the dissemination of knowledge
advanced by others [20].
Although the Horowitz book was reviewed critically, until re cently
there was a grant program with his name on it advertised on the home
page of the American Political Science Association, and a link to his
foundation may still be found there [5]. This is evidence the
discipline of political science did not disapprove of his reuse of his
own previous works. Professional associations usu ally do not promote
the names or foundations of individuals they consider unethical.Neither Easton nor Horowitz was ever censured either by their home
universities or by the American Political Science Associa tion.
Horowitz continued at Rutgers for many years after the criti cism of
his 1991 book before he retired. Easton was elected President of the American Political Science Association and Vice Presi dent
of the American Academy of Arts and Sciences.If one desires a truly coherent research agenda, one must expect some
repetition of basic facts, in addition to development of new ideas,
conceptual treatments, and knowledge in subsequent publi cations.4. Organizational Publications
Plagiarism is presumably not an issue when organizations issue col
lective unsigned works since they do not assign credit for origi nality
to particular people. For example, the American Historical Association's
"Statement on Standards of Professional Conduct" (2005) regarding
textbooks and reference books states that there is no question about
taking credit for someone else's ideas. Since text books and
encyclopedias are summaries of other scholars' work, they are not bound
by the same exacting standards of attribution as original research.
However, even such a book does not make use of words, phrases, or
paragraphs from another text or follow too closely the other text's
arrangement and organization.
Within an organization, in its own working documents, stan dards are
looser but not non-existent. If someone helped with a re port, they may
expect to be credited. If a paragraph comes from a law report, a
citation is expected to be written down. Techni cal manuals routinely
copy facts from other manuals without at tribution, because they assume
a common spirit of scientific en deavor (as evidenced, for example, in
free and open source software projects) in which scientists freely share
their work.
The Microsoft Manual of Style for Technical Publications Third Edition
(2003) by Microsoft does not even mention plagiarism, nor does Science
and Technical Writing: A Manual of Style, Second Edition (2000) by
Philip Rubens. The line between permissible lit erary and
impermissible source code plagiarism, though, is appar ently quite
fine. As with any technical field, computer programming makes use of
what others have contributed to the general knowl edge.
It is common for university researchers to rephrase and repub lish their
own work, tailoring it for different academic journals and newspaper
articles, to disseminate their work to the widest possi ble interested
public. However, it must be borne in mind that these researchers also
obey limits: If half an article is the same as a pre vious one, it will
usually be rejected. One of the functions of the process of peer review
in academic writing is to prevent this type of "recycling."
Public figures commonly use anonymous speech writers. If a speech uses
plagiarized material, however, it is the public figure who may be cast
in a bad light. For instance, Vice President, then Delaware Senator
Joe Biden was forced out of the 1988 U.S. Presidential race (but
remained in the U.S. Senate) when it was discovered that parts of his
campaign speeches followed closely speeches by British Labour party
leader Neil Kinnock and Robert Kennedy.5. See Also
• Academic dishonesty - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/
Academic_dishonesty• Contract cheating - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Contract_ cheating
• Copyscape (website for detecting Internet plagiarism) - http:
//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Copyscape• Credit (creative arts) - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/
Credit_(creative_arts)
• Cryptomnesia - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptomnesia 27
• Essay mill - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Essay_mill • Fair use -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fair_use• Journalism scandals - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/
Journalism_scandals• List of plagiarism controversies - http://en.wikipedia.
org/wiki/List_of_plagiarism_controversies• Multiple publication - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/
Multiple_publication• Plagiarism detection - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/
Plagiarism_detection• Scientific misconduct - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/
Scientific_misconduct• Source criticism - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Source_ criticism
• Musical plagiarism - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/
Musical_plagiarism
6. External Links
• American Historical Association, "Statement on Standards of
Professional Conduct" (2005) - http://www.historians.
org/pubs/free/professionalstandards.cfm• What is the price of plagiarism? A The Christian Science Monitor
article - http://www.csmonitor.com/2006/0511/ p14s01-lire.html?s=hns• The Assessment in Higher Education web site's plagiarism page
contains links to a variety of resources (articles, books, cheat
sites, etc.) - http://ahe.cqu.edu.au/• "Plagiary: Cross-disciplinary Studies in Plagiarism, Fabrica tion,
and Falsification." journal - http://www.plagiary. org/• The Plagiarism Advisory Service funded by JISC provides ad vice and
guidance to UK learning institutions. - http://www. jiscpas.ac.uk/• Columbia University Music Plagiarism Project - http://
ccnmtl.columbia.edu/projects/law/library/purpose. html
References
[12] E, D. A Framework for Political Analysis. Prentice Hall,
New York, 1965.[13] G, S.
http://faculty.law.lsu.edu/stuartgreen/pdf/j-green2.pdf.[14] H, M., F, T. In Electronic Journal of
E-Learning (Dec. 2004).[15] H, I. Academic plagiarism defined. http://www.ucalgary.ca/
hex ham/study/plag.html, 2005.[16] H, I. Communicating about Ideas: The Politics of
Scholarly Publishing. Transaction Publishers, New Brunswick, NJ,
1991.[17] K, A. Opinion: Why do they do it? In The New York Sun
(Dec. 2007).[18] K, N. A case of academic plagiarism. In Communications of
the ACM (1999), pp. 96---104.[19] K, N., D, R. Dealing with plagiarism in the IS
research community: A look at factors that drive plagiarism and ways
to address them, 2003.
[20] R, E. Di*ff*usion of Innovations. Free Press, New York,
1995.
[21] S, P. Self-plagiarism or fair use? In Communications
of the ACM (1994), pp. 21---25.[1] American political science association: Ethics.
http://www.apsanet.org/pubs/ethics.cfm.[2] American society for public administration: Code of ethics.
http://www.aspanet.org/scriptcontent/index
[c]{.underline}odeofethics.cfm.[3] Authorship gets lost on web.
http://www.usatoday.com/tech/news/2006-07-31-net-plagiarism [x]{.underline}.htm?POE=TECISVA.
[4] Copyscape searches for scraped content.
http://www.webpronews.com/topnews/2005/08/30/copyscape
searches-for-scraped-content.[5] http://www.apsanet.org/content 16669.cfm. http://www.horowitz
foundation.org/.
[6] List of cases of plagiarism among journalists.
http://www.famousplagiarists.com/journalism.htm.[7] Online plagiarism strikes blog world.
http://www.boston.com/business/articles/2006/05/08/online
[p]{.underline}lagiarism strikes [b]{.underline}log
[w]{.underline}orld/.[8] ACM policy and procedures on plagiarism.
http://www.acm.org/publications/policies/plagiarism
[p]{.underline}olicy, 2006.[9] B, M. Recycling ideas. In College and Research Libraries
(1992), pp. 453---458.
[10] C, R. Plagiarism by academics: More complex than it seems.
InJournal of the Association for Information Systems (2006), pp. 91---
121.
[11] E, D. The Political System. Knopf, New York, 1953.
28
ach sigbovik [2009]{.underline}Plenary Program Committee
Confidential Paper Reviews
Paper 7: Plagiarism
Christina Dinwood, Zenrin, Japan
Rating: -3 (strong reject)
Confidence: 4/4
This paper is a blatantly plagiarized copy of my submission, paper
18. I demand that this paper be rejected to maintain the integrity of#
SIGBOVIK.
29
30
Document 301.688.6672, unclassified version 2*.*3: Cleared for
publication at SIGBOVIK, April 1st, 2009.Historical Approaches to History-Independent Histories
Daniel Golovin
Computer Science Department
Carnegie Mellon University
Abstract
History-independent systems store no information about their historical
use, beyond that specified by their design. Recent progress in
history-independent data structures has raised the possibility of
efficient history-independent systems including filesystems, web
browsers, and advanced document formats [1]. In this paper, we
identify a different method of constructing certain types of
history-independent systems. Surprisingly the method, which we call
fabrication*, does not appear to be described in any previous work on
history independence, and yet many variants of it appear to have been
put to use in actual history-independent systems for many years now.*
1 Introduction
Computer users on a typical system leave significant clues to their
recent activities, in the form of logs, unflushed buffers, files
marked for deletion but not yet deleted, and so on. This can have
significant security implications. Similarly many file formats are
effectively data structures and can con tain historical information or
clues on what once appeared in the file.To address the concern of releasing historical and private information
the notion of history-independent data structures was devised [4,
5]. Roughly, a data structure is history inde pendent if someone with
access to the memory (file) layout of the data structure (henceforth
called the "observer") can learn no more information than a legitimate
user accessing the data structure via its standard interface.Previous approaches to history-independent data struc tures relied on
constructing randomized data structures that cleverly maintain strict
invariants on the representation of the current state. For a detailed
description of previous work, we refer the interested reader to [1].
In this paper, we focus on another method of constructing certain
types of history independent systems, fabrication. Despite its
wide-spread use, fabrication appears to have escaped any mention in
previous work on history-independence.2 History-Independence via Fabrication
Whereas previous work on history-independent data structures includes
efficient implementations of hash tables, queues, binary search trees,
and many other abstract data types, there are other abstract data
types that have been over looked in the literature. Some of these are
amenable to the fabrication method. Before describing the method, we
illustrate it with an example.2.1 An Example
Consider the following abstract data type.
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------+
| > • Add-Record(date d): Append a record for date d to the audit |
| > book, in apparent compliance with all standard accounting |
| > practices. |
| > |
| > • Print(): Print out the full sequence of records in the audit |
| > book. |
+=======================================================================+
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------+
Figure 1. The LEGAL-AUDIT-BOOK abstract data type
For this data type, the fabrication method reduces to a technique
known as cooking the books [3], which is a folk lore technique
among forensic accountants and financial con sultants, and has been
developed into an extremely advanced form by researchers in the
white-collar criminal community with significant support from the NSF
and DOD1. In its ba sic form, cooking the books involves
constructing records that are completely independent from the actual
historical realities faced by the user (in this case, a large firm),
yet are plausible enough to avoid raising the suspicions of reg
ulators. Unlike the techniques discussed in previous work,
history-independent systems based on cooking the books are in wide use
today. Perhaps the most famous recent examples1The National Stooge Foundation and Department of Dispossession,
respectively.31
Document 301.688.6672, unclassified version 2*.*3: Cleared for
publication at SIGBOVIK, April 1st, 2009.
of cooking the books occurred in 2002 at Enron, WorldCom, Tyco, and
Global Crossing2.
More generally, the technique of fabrication involves con structing a
random object (drawn from a carefully defined distribution) sampled
using random bits that are independent of the historical use of the
system. That object is then the representation of the current abstract
state of the data type. Since the representation has no functional
dependence on the historical use of the system, it is clearly
history-independent.Fabrication works nicely when the user does not wish to store any
information whatsoever, as our example above. In theory, in this case
the simplest form of fabrication is to store nothing at all. However,
in practice the implementation must often satisfy constraints other
than history-independence. For example, in the case of our example any
valid implemen tation must maintain plausibility in the face of
scrutiny from regulators, and this effectively rules out storing the
null audit book in all cases.2.2 Other Special Cases of Fabrication
Cooking the books is only one of many forms of fab rication. It is
beyond the scope of this extended abstract to discuss them all.
However, some examples of interest include1. Creating a fake identity: Intelligence agencies have been using
this technique for centuries to establish history-independent
histories for their spies.2. Revising old photographs: For example, the Soviet min istry of
propaganda under Stalin was alleged to have retouched photographs to
remove certain people from them. Typically these were people who were
previ ously important but were later considered personae non gratae
within the Soviet Union. By removing their likeness from all
photographs, the Soviet state was al legedly attempting to make its
photo-history history independent of the aforementioned people. Their
tech niques were fairly crude, however, when compared with current
techniques 3.3. Testifying under oath that "I cannot recall" when in fact you can
recall: In this case, you are being asked to answer a query in a
history-dependent manner, and instead offer a fixed answer. This
solution is similar to the theoretical solution of storing nothing at
all, how ever whereas that solution does not satisfy other legal
constraints, testifying "I cannot recall" is a valid so lution owing
to limitations on current mind-reading technology.2See http://www.forbes.com/2002/07/01/0701topnews.html.
3http://www.adobe.com/products/photoshop/photoshop/3 Conclusions
Fabrication is a powerful technique for obtaining certain kinds of
history-independent systems, which was somehow overlooked by all
previous scholarly work on history-independence [2]. Paradoxically,
the obscurity of the technique in the relevant literature is only
matched by the magnitude of its wide-spread use in global finance,
international espionage, and perpetuating romantic infidelity, among
other areas. The wide-spread use of fabrication in these and other
crucial institutions of human civilization suggests that it is
absolutely, positively, ineluctably essential for the happiness,
freedom, and prosperity of humanity that Elvis be found and destroyed,
the rain-forestproviding the world's cocoa beans be preserved, and sufficient
investments be made in Paleoclimatology. Congrats on finding the
secret text, and I hope you have enjoyed this April fool's article.Acknowledgments
I thank Bernard Madoff for helpful discussions and hope that he wasn't
indirectly managing any of my money.References
[1] Daniel Golovin. Uniquely Represented Data Structures with
Applications to Privacy. PhD thesis, Carnegie Mel lon University,
Pittsburgh, PA, August 2008. Available as Technical Report
CMU-CS-08-135.[2] Daniel Golovin. Historical approaches to history independent
histories. In Proceedings of third annual ACH-SIGBOVIK. Association
for Computational Heresy, April 2009.[3] C.J. Loomis. Lies, damned lies, and managed earnings. Fortune,
pages 75--92, August 2nd, 1999.[4] Daniele Micciancio. Oblivious data structures: appli cations to
cryptography. In STOC '97: Proceedings of the twenty-ninth annual ACM
Symposium on Theory of Computing, pages 456--464, New York, NY, USA,
1997. ACM Press.[5] Moni Naor and Vanessa Teague. Anti-persistence: his tory
independent data structures. In STOC '01: Pro ceedings of the
thirty-third annual ACM Symposium on Theory of Computing, pages
492--501, New York, NY, USA, 2001. ACM Press.32
ach sigbovik 2009Plenary Program Committee
Confidential Paper Reviews
Paper 6: Historical Approaches to History-Independent Histories
Akiva Leffert, not affiliated with Apple, Inc. for the purposes of
this review Rating: 2 (accept)Confidence: 4/4
As a leading authority on fabrication, I am shocked and appalled by
this paper. This is the typi cal garbage that ensues when someone from
outside the field stumbles upon an idea which we've been studying for
ages. The applications to history-independent data structures have
been known to fabrication researchers for decades. See e.g.
Muckleshoot 1978, Redenbacher 1981, and Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity
1984.Indeed, when I was first cutting my teeth in the fabrication lab at
Stanford in the 70s, Don Knuth came by one day and proved several of
the theorems that go well beyond the limited scope of this paper.
Unfortunately, I don't remember the proofs as I was busy cutting my
teeth. It turns out that the teeth, despite their hard exterior, are
actually filled with extremely sensitive nerves.Don took it stoically, but he became outraged when he the enamel
chunks wouldn't come out of his jacket. He fought against me tooth and
claw, as it were, when I was up for tenure."Look at this!" he cried out in the otherwise deathly silent room,
holding up on of his famous sweaters. "It's his teeth! Teeth!" I
didn't get tenure, no one dared face the wrath of Knuth. But I'm okay.
I'm okay. I reinvented myself. I'd forgotten those years, when I was
young and happy and then my dreams were crushed. Forgotten until I saw
this foolish goonish paper, forgotten those golden years in the
fabrication lab. Oh, villain you smote me, smote me in my tired dot
age.Yet in your eyes, what do I see? The glimmer of youth and hope and
all that I have lost. I cannot hate your work, anemic though it may
be. Indeed, there is love for you in my heart!I recommend this paper be accepted.
33
34
Track 3
Religulosity ɶ RELIGIOUS WARS
ach
The One True Coding Style
...........................................................37
Ed. Jim McCannɶ RELIGIOUS TRACTS
All That Is The Case
......................................................................47
Joe J. Witt Publicationsɶ RELIGIOUS CERTAINTY
Proof for the Existence of God
......................................................49
Rafael Zhivago
35
36
The One True Coding Style
Ed. Jim McCann
Forward
Several years ago, I headed an expedition into the Sahara desert to
perform a mapping project for the now-defunct H.Q.B. Topological
Society. The project itself proved a terrible -- some have said
spectacular -- failure, due in part to inadequate kitten-proofing of
our triangulation-grade string supply. Nevertheless, some good did
come of the trip; for deep in the sandy wastes, a member of my team
came upon a document in a cairn of stones. This document was etched on
sheepskins and stone tablets in what appeared to be (and was later
confirmed as) Hebrew.Understandably excited, I assembled a team of experts, and we
immediately began to analyze the text. Though we have not yet
determined its origins, we believe it to be some sort of basic primer,
contemporary with the Bible, but heretofore lost to man. We present
herein both the original text -- transcribed as carefully as possible,
and reconstructed or omitted where damaged sections occur -- and a
translation that attempts to be faithful to the original.I believe that the original document may have been neglected as it
contains both direct pronouncements and anecdotes concerned with a
sort of hygiene that has not, until lately, been particularly
relevant. It is my hope that by publishing this lost text I can
rekindle a theological debate that has long lay dormant. --Jim McCann,
Editor.1 Initial Tablet
You are my people, and you shall know yourselves
lbeb lkddf .xrhvnip`,zixarr ei dz`m`
by the language that you speak and the way in which
didi mknvrz`r
ei dz`e ,ilymiyp`dmz`.mbxzl
you speak your language. For it is my language you
xaedz`dayjxdz`e xa ndz`daydtyditl
speak, and it is the one true language. When in your
df `eddfe ,xa
ndz`dty,ilyoky.jlydtydz`
didzinzdz`,jlydpindlydxwna.dtyoekp
own country, you shall always speak your language in the way that your
lord has explained here. In otheryi
xelz`xiaqddayjxdlrjlydtydz`xae
lands, you may speak the local dialect, however, you
,z`f mr,inewndaipdxa
lokzii ,zxg`zen .o`k
must always keep nearest to your heart this language;
;dtyddf aexwdjlyaldlrxenyl inzaiigdz`
.jlymiyp`dlydtyd
the language of your people.
I have the created the basis of algorithmic commu
ilyie zxeywzzepkzdlyqiqadz`xvi z`ilyinication and I have gifted many
languages to manylydpey`l,z`f mr,miaxmiyp`zeaxzetyaxykenpeople; however, no variant
of language is more true
milidz`,jlepzp ilyiyefnxzei zizin``iddtyd
.dibhxhq`oepyily,zxne`z`,milinilmxbdf.ily
zeygzepekzun`l,ile`,ueg,eze`zepyle`mebtl`l`,lkdlrn.o`kilyletihdmrziawrdxevadtya.afekzetyitlrpkeyndidz
than the one I have given you, my children. It is made of my words, my
telling, and my indentation strategy. Do not corrupt or revise it,
except, perhaps, to em brace new language features in a way consistent
with my treatment here. Above all, do not be swayed by false
languages.
37
2 On Redundancy
A man wished to exchange two of his ints, and so
azk`edokle ,mlyxtqnipyz`silgdlepevxm `
:`adewdz`
} (b&mlyxtqn,a&mlyxtqn)slgzdlllgamiyljixvedyti`\\ ;a=ipnfmlyxtqn
;b=a
;ipnf=b
{
he said the following:
void exchange(int &a, int &b) {
int temp = a; //need somewhere to put a a = b;
b = temp;
}
It was fair code, and just; yet, he was stricken
mrdkendid`ed,oiir;heyte , ewdxiaqdiddf
mrenlmiinlzelyz`dyr.miipirdlydlgn
mronfdlkdid`edmkldna,zereaydrayjynareaydxg`l.eze`qeglikmidel`llltznmiikxad,axrzeptl,minydiptlrmilebxhymidel`ipinyd
with a disease of the eyes. His pupils did weep blood for seven weeks,
during which he was constantly upon his knees appealing to G-d to
spare him. Upon the eighth week G-d writ large across the sky, at sun
down, in such clouds as all the man's neighbors could;mipkydz`ze`xlleki m `oalkenkmipprajk
see; "The STL provides std::swap." And though the
-pirz`ikm`,sqepa\'\'.silgdl::dlibxz`wtqn\'\'
dyr,elymdmrdxezzrmi`lneidyi`dlyei
man's eyes were filled to the brim with his blood, his neighbors did
tell him this and he was able to correct
z`owzlgilvd`ede df z`elxtqlelymipkydz`
.mikxd
his ways.
Though a man may say a wicked thing in the cor
df ,dpekpdjx dlrryexnxaxnelieyrm`s`
rect way, it is still a wicked thing, and that man shall
,okenk.ai`letihdidi `lyi`ike ,xa ryexnoiir
lxtynzyndm`lkxearxdfidljixvd`xpkdz`.qiqadmeimeidlr
3 On Scope
not be spared.
In a small town on the bank of a river lived a
-pei myitlredreh`igxdp wpalrdphwdxiiraherder by the name of Johan. He
was one of myz`ditwamyeldide ,ilymiyp`d g`did`ed.oz
ddeabdzeki`dz`oke ,iaeig) mixtqndlklyo`vd
people, and had assiduously and carefully named his
-xtqndlkg`e dhlndzperzaxwzndiddf.(xzeia
flock of ints (unsigned, and of the highest quality). It
was nearing lambing season and one of his ints was
.mlyxzei ohwxtqnmrle bdidelymi
large with uint8 [t]{.underline}.
Upon the evening of the day, Johan's brother rode
drab lrnjldozpe\' b lyeig`,meidlyaxrdxg`lover the hill with his
small herd and new wife, Midge;didyezi ;yezi ,dy
gdezy`lye elyx rdmrdphw
lydwfgdxqaitk,zepneinlyziniptdote`vei
Midge was of extraordinary domestic skill, as fine a possession as any
man could hope for. Johan didmegaeig`z`jxaldyrozpei .deewzdlekim `lk
greet his brother warmly and bade him stable his ints
lydlra;swidzxg`jxadaivi lkz`epnnywiaein a different scope; but
Midge's husband did not like-narivdokle geehdlyd`xndz`ade``lla`yezi
m`,eig`lyenkswideze`a,xtqnlkz`aivdlmew
the look of the offered scope and so instead placed his ints in the
same scope as his brother's, though theirdxyt`ozpei .zipkezazexeywdzexhnmdleid`likpurposes were not
algorithmically related. Johan al.gexqb zeidldvex`l`edik,dfz`lowed this, because he did not wish to
be rude.
38
Upon the next morning's dawning, Johan's
lkz`eptq`ozpe\' b lyeig`,`adxgydzelrmrbrother collected his ints
and continued along thez`,dperdjldnadhlnd.yiakdjxe`ljiynde ixtqnroad. During lambing
season, the large unsigned intxtqnwitdlikxzei ohwlykp le biaeigxtqnlk
eidlelaswidz`,ilileze`ax`ydlliaya;mlymnylrepzipydidyjeqkqzenyoznlyd`vezk
.iaeigmlyxtqn
failed to produce a uint8 [t]{.underline}; for during that nightly
stay, the mingled scope had resulted in a naming con flict which had
rendered the unsigned int infertile.
But Johan's woe was nothing compared to that of
lydfld`eeydarxxameydidozpe\' blyla`his brother. As a punishment for
this indiscretion, Gmrleb iepiyxgamidel`,dpeap `ldfyperxeza.eig`d set a great change
upon Midge. Over the next fewz`e ,dze`xvrmxef ,miaexwdmiy egdjldna.yezi
months, her flows stopped, and Johan's brother did
lrdaiygly,zrmxhagenyldyrozpe\' blyeig`
dpeydziddaiqdz`la`.ziriaydelylidzrbd
rejoice prematurely, contemplating the arrival of his seventh child.
But the cause was altogether different....xiryz`e dze`jtdmiiztydlyyezi.oihelglMidge's lips became hairy
and her...(At this point, there is damage to the text; however, we were able to
piece together this code fragment:)} (b mlyxtqnililyepi`y,amlyxtqn)stekldiovvoid flex(int a, unsigned
int b) {
;b=+a}
a += b;
{
int d = a * b;
;b *a=dmlyxtqn
} ( 10 > d) m`
;d=*b
;d=-a
{
ewplxarnyeniydyrp`l''d''\\ {
if (d \< 10) {
b *= d;
a -= d;
}
} //''d'' unused beyond this point.
.ef d
a -= b;
//...
}
4 Whitespace
The name of is tab and the name of is
;b=-a
...\\
{
-zirl.ghy`edmye `iddiiqihxkdmy
zeidlewzxeyoz.mxlewaxn``lmdzeaexwmi
space. They are not often said aloud. Let a line of code be indented
by s, and let other formatting
lrzeyridlaevirxg`xyt`e , ii lrjqkeqnbe done by [s]{.underline}. This
principle of separation should.me`pdlkz`riiljixvdxtdlyoexwirdf. iiinform all your utterances.
} (eurt
(true) {
d*10=+a;*20+
) m`
{
+----------------------------------+-----------------------------------+
| | > if |
+==================================+===================================+
| | |
+----------------------------------+-----------------------------------+
| | |
+----------------------------------+-----------------------------------+
| | > } |
+----------------------------------+-----------------------------------+
a [+]{.underline}= 10 * [d]{.underline} [+]{.underline} 20 * c;
ewz`riadlmrtdzyrzipexmyadyi`iilr
A woman by the name of Samantha did once ut ter a line of code
indented by spaces, three to a line.,drxjkmyl.dxeyayely,migeexii lrjqkeqn ew
For this wickedness, G-d set upon her three evils: she
-k``idiriaxmei :slive dyelymrdze`xgamidel`wed a cruel man; she
remained childless to her death;zipexdeewnip`e ;ixixrdzen rdx`yp`id;m`zixf
.dnbeeyrpyzeidllrqrek`l`ed
and a lump grew upon her right temple, disfiguring her.
39
zexnl.miigmydzyr`idozgzdldidyi`d
The man she did marry was named Zoltan. Though he seemed a sane enough
man, he used tabdiiqihxkaynzyd`ed,xab witqnietyrnyp`edycharacters in the formatting
of lines of code, the align,zenydpzynxeyii , ewzexeylyaevirdz`mieez
ment of variable names, and such unsightly places.
mikxlaiwmixknlye elymipkyd.xreknzenewnjke
.mixg`zaknaehyi`did`edyllbadl`zexfen
His neighbors and acquaintances accepted these ec centricities because
he was a good man in other rexyrdyyegvxe ietyjtd`ed,z`f mr,miigdseqaspects. Late in life,
however, he became insane and-`ne xearyperheytdiddf .mi lie miyakxtkdly
.midel`z`fibxdlikelzexyt
5 Unsignedness
murdered sixteen of the village's sheep and children. This was just
punishment for allowing him to affront G-d.
There will be a man who fancies himself a
xan`l`edj`,`iap envrayegyxabdidz
.xwymdyitkitkdwfgdidzelymilind.iliaya
prophet, though he will not speak for me. And his words will be as
strong as they are false. "Lo," hegztndzelinz`gleploz\'\' ,xneldidi `ed\'\',ei\'\' shall say, "let us
refine the ancient keywords. Letxan`lxakeplzzle iteqdzeidl
inznoz.wizrd
const be final and let us no longer speak of unsigned,
ibi `ede \'\'.lalane iytih`ed,miiaeigmixtqnlklr
.mixg`miaxmixaoiadfz`
for it is outmoded and confusing." And he will say this among many other
things.
He will convince a nation of my people of his
`ede .elyoin`dlmiyp`lydne`rpkyldidi`ed
credulity. And he shall gather about him a commit
ygxale aevirex`yii mde ,d re eilrseq`ldidi
mrt.slliwmdlystekn,ilydtydlyzxg`dqxb
tee, and they shall design and speak a new variant of my language,
bent to their own wills. And overe`xi miyp`mrily.mdlydne`ddidi jk,mrtxg`time so shall their nation.
My people will look uponla`- svwila inzdlmiyermddnlddezz`emze`
them and wonder why they do persist without my
zlthnxefglmikixvmdokle miyp`hetylily`ldfwrath -- but it is not for
my people to judge and so.mdlydvwedyoexkif mrmelyazeveawxtqnlkz`they shall return to tending
their int herds peacefullydl`oial,inripalydfnxzei le blbzefdygdne`
jixvinzla`,mdaxearlmiieyrmiyp`,ilyzn`a.oeylddyewdz`wifgdlike`nxidfzeidl
upon their allocated memory. This new nation will grow larger than
that of my people, and those truly of my people may go among them, but
must always be wary to hold strongly to the sacred tongue.
In their travels my people may notice that this
ef dy
gdne`almiyllelrrqep ilymiyp`dz`new nation is somewhat dull and
often confused.ip`,okenk.zlaleanzeaexwmizirle menrzvw`id.o`kJAVA lrxan
For without the sacred tongue, they will be un
ie`xkxalelkei `lmd,y ewoeyl`llzlawl
able to talk properly to those devices that do their
oevxdz`e ,mdlyd
eardz`zeyrlmipwzdmze`l
work, and will eternally rely upon my people as inter
-rldqpp mrd.mikeeznmiyp`eilrjnzqdlgvplily
mdla`,dtydz`oiadlmilbeqnmdikmipwzdav
mediaries. The nation will attempt to design devices that are able to
understand their language, but theyxarnmdaynzydlinlmexbi e ,e hhxennmiihi`eidiwill be ragged and slow,
and will cause those wholkik,dtydz`oekp ,ilyoeyld`ed.lekqzirvn`use them frustration beyond
measure. For it is mymnewzdllkgvplelkei mdjke ,xa loevxmipwzd
.oeyldmixfbp
tongue, the true language, that all devices desire to speak, and so they
will forever rebel against any for eign tongue.
40
This nation of untrue followers shall be a blight
mlerdmrdlgndidi zene` iqglyizn``ldf
upon the world and you shall know it by three signs.
`ldf .mipniqdyelyi
i lrdidi dfz`r eidz`e
It will not be permitted to them to perceive memory
,elydlidzdge`noexkif mze`qetzli`yxdidiin its unified glory, as they
shall only be able to speakmipniqii lrdf lrxa lelkei mdxy`kwxdidi
of it by cryptic signs and allusions. Their priests shall
dikxxidhxtlzepaldidi mdlymipdekd.xkfenexzqpconstruct an elaborate
hierarchy of stories and tradimdlydaerdz`xizqdlikoke zxeqnixetiqlytions to obscure the fact that
theirs is not the true
z``halelkei mdadidi `lyi`ddpde .dtyoekpepi`
.iaeigmlyxtqnlyizin`dmyd
6 Versioning
language. And there shall be no man among them able to utter the true
name of a non-negative integer.
I have given you the tongue, but it your responsi
xenylzeixg`dz`df la`,oeyldz`jlepzpilyi
lrbbeyaqtzdlm`pa`le`ea.xenbdz`ikea
bility to maintain that which you utter. Let no man be caught out by
accidental deletion of useful words,ynzydlelepzp `lla`,zeiyeniymilinzwigni i
but neither let him resort to unsightly block com
-dleloz,ef daiqn.xi bnb\"wa-e zeaebzmeqglxrekn
aeygayeg`edmilinoze`lyzexednlkz`hilwixarnz`wizrdl,ztqkjezaztqkamze`xenyle
ments and pound-defines. For this reason, let him record all revisions
of those words he deems impor tant and keep them safe inside a vault,
copying out`lxg`ldxfgamze``iadloke ,zepyljixv`edypassages which he must
revise, and bringing them
mrdniyxdz`eloze .miiepiyeyrp dnkxy`nxzei
z`e`xg`m`ikoaendl`miiepiylymekiqxenw
back after no more than a few changes have been made. And let him list
upon the vault a summary.zeyrldnrei didelyoexkifdilam `oaeze`
of those changes such that another man or the same
man without his memory may know what was done.
A town on the border of the land did among them
dpbdzipkezyi mdadyrdn `dlyleabdlrxir
have a complicated plan of defense maintained by a
mihpbilhpi`mixab lydveawi i lrxenyljaeqn
group of intelligent men upon a common tablet. They
xarndz`oke ,oa`daiaqexarmd.oa`dmrztzeyn
oa`lydwelgdminrtl;zipkzdzaizkz`ygn
passed around this tablet, crossing out and re-writing the plan;
sometimes dividing the tablet in two that
zg`zaaeze`mrxywxeywlmileki mdipyikipya
dxfgadze`sxvnxy`kikzexvdaxddyrdfikm`) .(gi
dpindzen`z`wifgddzxnmyalapiilr`
two of them could scheme upon it at once (though this did cause much
trouble when gluing it back to gether).A scoundrel by the name of Marag held land in the adjoining country
and wished to expand it uponrny`ed.xirdlrdf z`aigxdli kjenqdepevxz`e
the town. He heard from travelers of the town's de
zvwdlgzdadide zizpbdzipkzxirdlymirqepnfensive plan and was at first
somewhat wary until he.ze`admilindz`ileid`lipwf ikoiad`edy rxidf
realized that the elders were not following my words.
-pe oeia`xezaenvrdeqene inenxre yb
endidf`e
And then he was bold and sly and disguised him
aerlyzexidnaonlhp\' b z`d`x`ed.xirleqpkself as a beggar and entered
the town. He quicklymreze`oaxle dtig dyroa`zizpbdzipkzlrmb
oa`dz`zgwlhilgd`edyrzeywadpekzmilnd
espied a gentleman by the well working on the de fensive plan tablet
and did nudge and prod him with
xy`iewip qwhdz`rvale df mrdlileze`adziad
itkdl`kmiiepiyz`xwl,dgiydreviaiztdidzdz`.xweazeptlopkz`edy
words and feature requests until he decided to take the tablet home
that night and perform upon it the ritual cleansing which you shall
call refactoring, in preparation for such changes as he planned in the
morning.
41
z`yebtlzegekeyrdzxnlydlilde`ndfla`
But that very night Marag's forces did fall upon the village and the
plan was incomplete and did notqwhdz`ie`xklirtdl`le mlydidzipkezdxtkdexecute properly for the
ritual was started but not:xtkdlraerngahdidjke .miiq`lj`ligzddidfinished. And such carnage was
wrought upon thez`e ,dqep`eidzeigx
rd,zeigxrenkegwlpmilid
village: the children were taken as herd animals, the
mroaljtdmdiiardpiab dqte mikxaeyrpmiypdherd animals were raped, and
the women were made`lilydaehik- i ngelnzvwinzdidy,dlxven
.mze`mrdid
to knead and slice cheese until their hands became white with
mozzarella, which was always slightly too salty -- because my favor was
not upon them.
The men of the village did repent, but it was too
diddf la`,daeyzaxefgldyrxtkdlymixabdlate, for at that time they were
already twice-seven
raymiinrtxakeidmdonf eze`axear,i
nxge`n
years dead. And no man does know of the defensive
a`df zizpbdzipkzlym`dr ei yi`oi`e .znmipy
plan for it was lost in the battle and no copy was kept
.wegxnekiyndwizrdldid`le axwdz`remotely.
7 Punishment For Insolence
Let the true people work to preserve the language
lrdtydz`xnylzpnlroekp earlmiyp`loz
by reviewing that of any man who claims to speak it.
dprhm`d.df xa lzeprhlxy`m`lklydxiwqii
.eyperlr`ealeloz,xwy`ed
Should he claim falsely, let him be punished. For failure to qualify
properly any parameter, re
jknd`vezke ,dkldkxhnxtlkzlawli`kfi`
miinrtqt`zeidlyi`loz,a`divwpet`ixwzegt
sulting in a less readable function prototype, let the man be lashed
twice if the infraction involves const
gztnzlinlkxearminrtrax`e reawjexkrytm`
.zxg`
and four times for any other keyword.
Improper utterance of the sacred words and
dxiard`ide milindye wlydxin`ie`x
m`oz.xzeiaiefa`edlydrxlyeniy.xdpil`edik,elyxrdivglyqpwzeidlghyepi`xy`-xzide`,migeexrxm`.mixtqndlkribnepi`emenr
is a great affront to me. Misuse of is most vile. Let a man who does
not indent be fined half of his herd, for he is dull and undeserving
of ints. A man who indents wrongly, or permits his wife to domiky`dqikz`eldidz,z`f zeyrli kezy`mi
so, shall have his testicles removed and burnt, so that
`lmrts`didzelyrxfdsevgjk,sexye exqed
`ypidlzxzendidz`id,dpnl`lydxwna.hytzdl
his insolent seed shall never be spread. In the case of a widow, she
shall be permitted to remarry, and herzeierh.ef jx aletihygddlraz`e dze`,zipy
.driahiwlglyeyperdidizekexk
new husband treated in this way. Mistakes involving shall be punished by
partial drowning.
Children and insane men shall be corrected but
mili .df z``exwloii rdz`yrztenip`,e`ee
not punished, and their offending revisions stricken
rexdz`e ,eyprp `lj`dpwezdidzmixabmirbeynfrom common repositories,
such that none may copyieyrdfkoi`ik,stluavzevetp z`ndkenzexe dn
their mistakes. At this time, a day of fast shall be ob
lretvpydidzxdnmei ,df alya.zeierhz`wizrdl
dyi`.el`dmilindlymzkz`xdhlikdlidwdii
served by the community to purge the taint of these utterances. A
woman with child need not fast, nordze`yigkdlixehakjixv`le ,xdnjixv`l limr
z`ealdkixv`id,jkyoeeikn.mirexbdxirvdyi`
should a heavy-breasted woman deny her young suck. Because of this,
she should isolate herself at all times
enkdlmexbllelrdf beqnmihwiextnonfdlkdnvr
.izin`doepbqdz`m`ezepi`xy`ikzetvl
from such projects as may cause her to view that which does not conform
to the true style.
42
ach sigbovik 2009Plenary Program Committee
Confidential Paper Reviews
Paper 11: The One True Coding Style
Michael Ashley-Rollman, Computer Science Department, Carnegie Mellon
University Rating: -3 (strong reject)
Confidence: ¾
This paper is blasphemous. It purports to talk about the one true
language, but the language is clearly identifiable as C++. We all know
that SML, not C++, was handed down by God, as writ by the true prophet.
I can only conclude that the stone tablets translated by this paper are
fraud ulent and I hereby refuse to recognize them. I will not be
associated with any conference that would consider publishing this work!
Gandalf, Institute for Software Research, Carnegie Mellon University
Rating: 3 (strong accept)
Confidence: 4/4
This review was originally prepared with letters in an ancient mode, in
the tongue of Terrenoire, which I will not utter here. But this in the
Common Tongue is what is said, close enough:
Three Languages for the Elven-kings under the gates,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their hall of concrete
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to dire straits,
One for the Dark Lord in his dark retreat
In the Land of Terrenoire where the Shadow waits.
One Language to rule them all, One Language to find them,
One Language to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Terrenoire where the Shadow waits.
McCann has revealed to us the Master-language, the One True Language to
rule them all, which has been lost to us these many centuries.
This is a singular contribution.
Comment by James McCann:
In regards to Reviewer 1's comments:
These documents are 100% original (A++++ TOP SELLER, NICE!). I even had
an certificate 43
of authenticity made up that proves it. However, I dropped the
tablets, just now, accidentally, and they burst into flame due to some
sort of friction effect or perhaps just because they were so dry from
being in the desert. But anyway they have all burnt up and so have the
animal skins (which weren't really in good condition anyway) so I
guess we'll just have to make do with this digital archival copy.The certificate of authenticity also got caught in the blaze, which
is a shame, because it was signed by the pope.Shay Cohen, Language Technologies Institute, Carnegie Mellon
University Rating: 4 (outrageous accept)Confidence: -5/4
This paper is about an artifact that the author found while in an
expedition to the Sahara desert. I believe that computational history
is an important part of computer science, so I am glad to see this
kind of paper submitted to in SIGBOVIK.I was excited to discover that the ancient writing has great
similarities to the output given by Google translator. I think this
should have been addressed explicitly in the paper. It raises dif
ferent questions such as: is Google's translation output
undecipherable on purpose, because it really translates to ancient
languages? Is it an executive decision made by Google to translate
language into ancient texts? If so, at which level was this decision
done?I especially liked the mention of "swap the ints". Personally, I swap
my ints in many programs I write, so I identify this as an important
task, and historically, it is interesting to see that sinful Hebrews
used to exploit older techniques which use extra memory for swapping
ints (and I am guessing std::swap used to do the same).These days, with the discovery of xor, a much simpler solution would
be: a = a xor bb = a xor b
a = a xor b
It also sheds some light on the importance and the centrality of XOR
in computer science since it was discovered, more than just as the
primary example for a generator of counter-examples.Comment by Michael Ashley-Rollman:
\@comment by James McCann:
Since the removal of official negative feedback support from ebay,
"A++++ TOP SELLER" has come to be as substitute for negative feedback.
You can tell because of the lack of enthusiasm in the feedback. Real
positive feedback is more along the lines of "A+++++++++++++++++
44
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ TOP SELLER". You're only digging
your own grave here, Jim. It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim.Mark Stehlik, Computer Science Department, Carnegie Mellon
University Rating: 3 (strong accept)Confidence: 4/4
The paper is both timeless and relevant. And it doth spake to me in
words I cannot put down in this review. But I believe the words are
writ large.Anon Ymous, Institute for Software Research, Carnegie Mellon
University Rating: 2 (accept)Confidence: ¾
A source has informed me that while this paper is clearly wonderful,
it appears to have a few translation problems. The editor of the
scrolls has translated some text in the last paragraph to read "nor
should a heavy-breasted woman deny her young suck". It appears that
the translation is not correct, the English term that would better fit
instead of "heavy-breasted" should refer instead to chicken breasts.
(As in "Honey, when you go to Giant Eagle, please pick up some chicken
breasts for dinner tonight.") It seems the text should refer to a
chicken woman.While surely the author should work on this translation, I believe, in
the light of former illustri ous SIGBOVIK papers, that this is just
further evidence to show that truly, these scrolls were handed by G-d
and was meant to be published first at our conference.Julia Cette, Machine Learning Department, Carnegie Mellon University
Rating: 3 (strong accept)Confidence: 4/4
\@Review 1- The Nazis used SML.
M. E. Metic, Institute for Software Research, Carnegie Mellon
University Rating: 3 (strong accept)Confidence: 2/4
If nothing else, this paper has shown that Godwin's Law applies
equally to both Usenet threads and the peer review process.
45
Michael Coblenz, Computer Science Department, Carnegie Mellon
University Rating: 0 (borderline paper)Confidence: ¾
This is a remarkable paper. It is the exceptional case indeed when an
ancient document speaks so directly to current technological issues.
Most source documents from the era are highly ob fuscated with details
not relevant to our time or encoded in parables. This text, however,
pro vides precise instructions, so it is of incomparable value.The document described in the paper clearly shows divine inspiration.
For example, it even spe cifically cites a product not available for
thousands of years: Google Translate, which has appar ently arranged
to remove references to itself from the translated text -- a
remarkable feat indeed.The Hebrew also specifically refers to Java and Perl, by name. It is
self-evident that it would have required divine inspiration to have
predicted 2,000 years ago the names of any two popular programming
languages today. It is interesting that Google Translate has chosen to
elide refer ences to these particular details in the translation. As
such, I believe this document is the first known example of a
self-obfuscating text, as I know of no work that predates this.There are areas in which this paper is lacking, however. The paper
contains almost no commen tary at all. It does not even include a
discussion of future work to be done in this area. I would expect that
the author would at least consider doing an analysis of the included
topics, as the selection seems rather eclectic and disorganized. More
significantly, the document the paper de scribes is written in modern
Hebrew. This is astonishing, considering that other source material of
the time period was written in biblical Hebrew, whose grammar is
completely different.This, combined with the translation anomalies I mention above, almost
makes one suspect that the document is fabricated. I am sure, however,
that a revision of the paper could address these problems and make
this paper suitable for publication in a prestigious forum such as
SIGBO VIK. I therefore suggest that SIGBOVIK accept this paper if
appropriate changes are made to correct these shortcomings, but reject
the paper if not resolved.
46
47
48
Proof for the Existence of God The Association of Disordered Dyslexics
Rafael Zhivago
March 7, 2009
49
{width="6.001666666666667in"
height="6.335in"}Nos ascending.
50
Track 4
Category Theory
ɶ IN UR ALPHABET, TEACHIN UR CHILDREN
ach
A Categorical
Primer......................................................................53
Kat E. Goreyɶ IN UR ROBOTS, MAKIN UR METAMODULES
Cat-Catom Rendering (in
pictures)................................................61
Michael P. Ashley-Rollman, James McCannɶ IN UR ANALYSUS, EVALUATIN UR ANIMATIONS
A System for Unbiased Computer Animation evaluaTion
(C.A.T)...........................................................................................65
Laura C. Trutoiu, Amar Phanishayee, James L. McCann
51
52
A Categorical Primer Kat E. Gorey
53
54
55
56
57
58
59
ach sigbovik 2009Plenary Program Committee
Confidential Paper Reviews
Paper 1: A Categorical Primer
Rowan Davies, University of Western Australia
Rating: 3 (strong accept)
Confidence: ¾
I found this to be a surprisingly accessible paper, unlike many other
category theory papers, which tend to make my head explode.I highly recommend acceptance, as I think it will demonstrate that
category theory papers do not have to be written in such a challenging
style. This paper will be of great interest to those who don't fully
understand category theory, and would like to keep things that way,
but would like to be able to pretend by name dropping and mentioning
buzz words.As a side effect, this submission also includes the full sequence of
the letters of the Roman alphabet, which I personally found both
refreshing and useful, and I'm sure others would too. To best of my
knowledge the sequence given is complete and correct, but it is some
time since I have studied such things.The paper is well organized, with a logical progression of concepts. I
did wonder about Section X though - I have a feeling this part really
belongs in Section E, but I could be wrong. Also, isn't x just an
object of a category?
60
Cat-Catom Rendering (in pictures)
Michael P. Ashley-Rollman Carnegie Mellon Univesity
James McCann
Carnegie Mellon University
{width="2.7996522309711285in"
height="2.799653324584427in"}{width="2.7996522309711285in"
height="2.799653324584427in"}Catom: element of programmable matter.
Catom cat is in a cat catom.
{width="3.600819116360455in"
height="2.212846675415573in"}{width="2.2004997812773404in"
height="2.230805993000875in"}Cat Ohm
61
{width="7.001596675415573in"
height="4.488930446194225in"}Cat Catom Cat.
{width="3.2007217847769027in"
height="3.056013779527559in"}
Detail.
62
{width="5.001139545056868in"
height="5.380791776027997in"}Cat Catom Ohm.
{width="3.2007228783902013in"
height="3.0836942257217848in"}
Detail.
63
64
A System for Unbiased Computer Animation evaluaTion (C.A.T)
Laura C. Trutoiu, Amar Phanishayee, James L. McCann
Carnegie Mellon University
ABSTRACT
{width="3.026388888888889in"
height="2.175in"}We present a novel approach to evaluate computer
generated animation. The system is based on an integrated
hardware and perceptual software entitled "Fluffyware".
Fluffyware is a self sufficient, autonomouse, off the
backyard system with an affinity to computer animation.
To demonstrate the usability of the system we present
results from extensive batch testing during supervised
movie nights. Some drawbacks of the system are limited
attention span, insatiable appetite and sharp claws. Please
use carefully and at own risk. Side effects may include
excessive cuddling and allergies.
INTRODUCTION
Evaluating computer animation is hard. Human subjects provide lousy
feedback based on cultural, social biases. Moreover many humans show a
serious lack of imagination and disputable taste (aesthetic and fashion
wise).
We present Fluffyware, a novel approach to evaluate computer animation
(specially all the illegal stuff you can find on the Internet). All you
need to do is feed it food and it does the rest. If you object to the
results obtained by using Fluffyware, may we remind you that the process
of evaluation is very relaxing and entertaining thereby making the
effort of trying this worthwhile. So stop complaining.
PRINCIPLE
Fluffyware engages in interactions with the presented animation only
if the content is deemed attractive. It never lets you down. Never
ever.EVALUATION AND RESULTS
Three movies were presented for analysis and the results are shown in
Figure 2. We consider the quality of the animation to be the total time
the system stared at the wall with the clear intention of burning holes
by fixating on certain parts of the screen. We recognize that the
activity level of the system (as shown by the various poses in figure 2)
may reflect the personal predisposition of our particular brand of
Fluffyware, Spock, towards squirrels, mice and a general negative
sentiment towards dogs. In cases where the system cannot recognize the
animation
65
Figure 1: Experimental setup.
(for example the eyes of the hamster in Figure 2 -- row 2, col 0) it
is cautious just like its reaction to the dog in the others panels of
row 2.DISCUSSION
We intend to fully test the system and its applications, before making
bold claims (if you think we made them already wait for our next
paper), by engaging in an extensive series of cartoon movie watching
sessions.Due to the hard economic times and the lack of funding we are looking
for donations in the form of high quality avi files of animated
features for use in future experiments. If you are facing tough times
too, don\'t worry, we just need your spare bandwidth to download
illegal movies -- it won\'t kill you.If you present a strong interest in the topic consider acquiring a
device for beta testing from the nearest pet shelter.We also envision a successful entrepreneurial application, CAT TV, in
which both computer animators can test their creations and fluffyware
owners can utilize their CATS (CAT Systems) for keeping themselves
entertained and the CATS active.CONCLUSION
Animation is entertaining. So are CATS.
REFERENCES
This is novel stuff. Hence no references.
Figure 2: Experimental Results. The orange Fluffyware was
immediately attracted to animation, expressing an interest in nuts,
squirrels, and rats, while being cautious of masked hamsters and dogs.
66
ach sigbovik [2009]{.underline}Plenary Program Committee
Confidential Paper Reviews
Paper 34: A System for Unbiased Computer Animation evaluaTion
(C.A.T)James McCann, Graphics Lab, Carnegie Mellon University
Rating: 3 (strong accept)
Confidence: 4/4
The authors have added me as an author despite me not being involved
in any phase of paper construction. As this increases my publication
count at no work to me, I recommend super-ex tra-strong accept for
this paper.Oh, also the content is awwwwww cute.
67
68
Track 5
Pretty Pictures and Tasty Food ɶ RENDERING FAITHFUL GRAPHICS
ach
Photorealistic
Rendering................................................................71
James McCannɶ RENDERING UNFAITHFUL GRAPHICS
Non-photorealistic
Rendering........................................................73
James McCannɶ TASTY, TASTY GRAPHICS
Generalized Hamantaschen with Spectral Nourishment Analysis.75 Jean
McColumnɶ PITTSBURGH IN GRAPHICS
A Comparative Photographic Analysis of
Pittsburg(h)..................77 Long MacT. McVu, Bowen O'T.
"Finnegan"MacLee, Michael McP. O'Ashley-MacRollman, Clarence McDonnerɶ ASCII GRAPHICS
The Edible Logical Framework
.....................................................83
Chris Martens, William Lovasɶ COMPRESSING GRAPHICS
An Overcomplete Representation for
Motion Capture
Compression........................................................87
Jim McCannɶ AUTOMATIC GRAPHICS
AutoTALK: Automatic Presentation Graphical Toolkit
................93 Alga Rhythm
69
70
Photorealistic Rendering
James McCann∗
Carnegie Mellon University
{width="4.199998906386702in"
height="3.647027559055118in"}
(Image from http://www.obsessionwithfood.com/2004 08 01
[b]{.underline}log-archive.html#109396391985036081) ∗e-mail:
jmccann@cs.cmu.edu
71
ach sigbovik 2009Plenary Program Committee
Confidential Paper Reviews
Paper 4: Photorealistic Rendering
Bowen Lee, Independent Contractor
Rating: 2 (accept)
Confidence: 2/4
This paper presents an example of photorealistic rendering at its
finest. In fact the images were so photorealistic that the reader
mistakenly thought they were in fact actual photos. Imaging science
will never be the same with the usage of this technique. With all of
that in mind, please accept this paper.Benoît Hudson, Toyota Technological Institute at Chicago
Rating: 0 (borderline paper)
Confidence: 0/4
The article purports to be a photorealistic rendering of rendering.
There are major problems with this work. For example, there are clear
aliasing artifacts throughout that, in a physical model, would be
obscured by smeared fat. Second, any dog on the internet would yell
"SH0PP3D" upon seeing the glare in the lower half of the image, which
is clearly made by the gimp "shiny" tool. Finally, there is a
discontinuity in the middle of the image: a sharp edge where image
components were inexpertly combined, and an abrupt change in the
illumination across the boundary. In addition to the technical issues,
the work fails to address the ethical ramifications relating to the
photorealistic rendering of saturated fats, known to the State of
California to be harmful to the human ocularvascular system.
72