The 2004 Lyttle Lytton Contest#
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The 2004 Winners
This is the story of your mom’s life.
“Tasty waffle?” Jim suggested alluringly, prodding me with the afore-mentioned breakfast food.
Rachel Lambert
(Don’t worry, she’s not the only one who won this year.)
The dame had balls, you had to give her that, and a Jetta.
Vera Tobin
I wanted to name the heroine Siobhan but didn’t know how to pronounce it—screwy Celtic pronunciation—and now I do but it’s too late.
Daniel Lackey
(That one was probably better as a last line, but I didn’t run a last-line event this year, so.)
Juicy, their love was like forbidden fruit: tasty.
Peter Berman
We write the year 2347, a world abound with nuclear alacrity, when suddenly Frank enters with a smile.
Christos Talanoez
This year’s Berman Prize winner is:
I know who the murderer is, Kevin blogged.
Scott Kurruk
The 2004 Montfort Medal goes to:
My English teacher, Mrs. Robinson, always said to start in the middle of something interesting, so here's Peter encased in 50 cubic feet of Jell‐O.
Michael Martin
And here's a special Prix du Jury for:
While a hellish yowl tore my throat, the panicked kitten—in fact me—leapt crying for the throat of Julia, there seeking comfort—and revenge.
Andy Holloway
As this is an election year in the US, this year’s second contest was for the first line of a political speech. As with the winner of last year’s second contest, this year’s winner has chosen to remain anonymous. (No, it’s not Joe Klein.)
While my opponents fellate the Satan of special interests, I go down on Reform’s compassionate angel.
anonymous
My fellow Americans, as you know, my foreign policy can be summed up in five words: “Iludium‐236 Explosive Space Modulator’.
Daniel Lackey
And a few honorable mentions:
Critics are calling me a fat cat, viciously ignoring the fact that I’ve been working out.
Christos Talanoez
Now, you’re all aware of my vocal campaign against the global slave trade, so what I am about to confess may raise a few eyebrows.
Andrew Davis
I am pleased to announce that, although attitudes have improved immensely, the beatings will continue.
M. Boots
As will the contest. Thanks to all who entered!
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