2008
8/28/2018 2008 Contest Winners » The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest
The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest
The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest
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2008 Contest Winners
Winner
Theirs was a New York love, a checkered
taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open
24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm,
moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped "Forged by DeLaney
Bros., Piscataway, N.J."--- Garrison Spik, Washington, D.C.The winner of the 2008 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest is Garrison Spik
(pronounced "speak"), a 41-year-old communications director and writer
from Washington, D.C. Hailing from Moon Township, Pennsylvania, he has
worked in Tokyo, Bucharest, and Nitro, West Virginia, and cites DEVO,
Nathaniel Hawthorne, B horror films, and historiography as major life
influences. Garrison Spik is the 26th grand prize winner of the
contest that began at San Jose State University in 1982.Runner-Up:
"Hmm ..." thought Abigail as she gazed languidly from the veranda past
the bright white patio to the cerulean sea beyond, where dolphins
played and seagulls sang, where splashing surf sounded like the
tintinnabulation of a thousand tiny bells, where great gray whales
bellowed and the sunlight sparkled off the myriad of sequins on the
flyfish's bow ties, "time to get my meds checked." --- Andrew BowersWinner: Adventure
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Leopold looked up at the arrow piercing
the skin of the dirigible with a sort of wondrous dismay -- the wheezy
shriek was just the sort of sound he always imagined a baby moose
being beaten with a pair of accordions might make. --- Shannon Wedge,
New HampshireRunner-Up:
"Die, commie pigs!" grunted Sergeant "Rocky" Steele through his cigar
stub as he machine-gunned the North Korean farm animals. --- Dave
Ranson, Calgary, AlbertaWinner: Children's Literature
Joanne watched her fellow passengers --
a wizened man reading about alchemy; an oversized bearded man-child; a
haunted, bespectacled young man with a scar; and a gaggle of private
school children who chatted ceaselessly about Latin and flying around
the hockey pitch and the two-faced teacher who they thought was a
witch -- there was a story here, she decided. --- Tim Ellis,
Haslemere, U.K.Runner-Up:
Dorothy had reasons to be nervous: a young girl alone in a strange
land, traveling with three weird, insecure males badly in need of
psychiatric help; she tucked her feet under her skirt to keep the
night's chill (and lewd stares) away and made sure one more time that
the gun was secured in her yet-to-develop bosom. --- Domingo Pestano,
Alto Prado, Caracas, VenezuelaDishonorable Mention:
I'm convinced that the Doc is dealing drugs to most of the mining crew
because they either can't stay awake, constantly sneeze, grin like
maniacs, or won't look you straight in the eye (not to mention
behaving like a moron) and they wonder why a dwarf gets grumpy! ---
Neil Prowd, Charnwood, ACT, AustraliaWinner: Detective
Mike Hummer had been a private detective
so long he could remember Preparation A, his hair reminded everyone of
a rat who'd bitten into an electrical cord, but he could still run
faster than greased owl snot when he was on a bad guy's trail, and
they said his friskings were a lot like getting a vasectomy at Sears.
--- Robert B. Robeson, Lincoln, Nebraska
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Runner-Up
The hardened detective glanced at his rookie partner and mused that
who ever had coined the term "white as a sheet" had never envisioned a
bed accessorized with a set of Hazelnut, 500-count Egyptian cotton
linens from Ralph Lauren complimented by matching shams and a duvet
cover nor the dismembered body of its current occupant. --- Russ
Winter, Janesville, MNWinner: Fantasy Fiction
"Toads of glory, slugs of joy," sang
Groin the dwarf as he trotted jovially down the path before a great
dragon ate him because the author knew that this story was a train
wreck after he typed the first few words. --- [Alex Hall]{.underline},
Greeley, COWinner: Historical Fiction
As she watched the small form swing
backwards and forth from the crystal chandelier -- hands on hips,
sniffing the air and squeaking inaudibly -- it suddenly became clear
to Madame de Pompomme that she had done the wrong thing asking Jacques
to find and bring back her long-lost sister: for, whilst her coterie
would doubtless be enchanted for a short while, the novelty of Janine
having been raised by bats since the age of two in caves of the
North-west Congo would soon wear off in seventeenth century France.
--- Simon Terry, Broadfield, Crawley, West Sussex, U.K.Runner-Up:
Our tale takes place one century before the reign of Alboin, the
Lombard king who would one day conquer most of Italy and who would end
up being murdered by his own wife (quite rightfully, I'd say, since
Alboin made a drinking cup out of her daddy's skull and forced her to
drink from it), when our little Sonnebert was seven years old. --- Edo
Steinberg, Beer-Sheva, IsraelWinner: Purple Prose
The mongrel dog began to lick her cheek
voraciously with his sopping wet tongue, so wide and flat and soft, a
miniature pink fleshy cape soaked through and oozing with liquid
salivary gratitude; after all, she had rescued him from the clutches
of Bernard, the curmudgeonly one-eyed
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dogcatcher, whose own tongue -- she remembered vividly the tongues of
all her lovers -- was coarse and lethargic, like a slug in a sandpaper
trenchcoat. --- Christopher Wey, Pittsburgh, PARunner-Up:
The complementary crepuscularities of earth and sky shrank away from
one another as the roseate effulgence of a new dawn burst forth, not
unlike a reclining pneumatic beauty's black silk stocking splitting
apart at the seam to reveal the glowing radiance of an angrily
sun-burned leg. --- Graham Thomas, St Albans, Hertfordshire, U.K.Dishonorable Mention:
The pancake batter looked almost perfect, like the morning sun shining
on the cream-colored bare shoulder of a gorgeous young blonde driving
30 miles over the speed limit down a rural Nebraska highway with the
rental car's sunroof open, except it had a few lumps. --- Jim Thomas,
Gilbert, AZWinner: Romance
Bill swore the affair had ended, but
Louise knew he was lying, after discovering Tupperware containers
under the seat of his car, which were not the off-brand containers
that she bought to save money, but authentic, burpable, lidded
Tupperware; and she knew he would see that woman again, because unlike
the flimsy, fake containers that should always be recycled
responsibly, real Tupperware must be returned to its rightful owner.
--- Jeanne Villa, Novato, CARunner-Up:
Like a mechanic who forgets to wipe his hands on a shop rag and then
goes home, hugs his wife, and gets a grease stain on her favorite
sweater -- love touches you, and marks you forever. --- Beth Fand
Incollingo, Haddon Heights, N.J.Dishonorable Mentions:
He was a dark and stormy knight, and this excited Gwendolyn, but
admittedly not as much as last night when he was Antonio Banderas in
drag, or the night before that when he was a French Legionnaire who
blindfolded her and fed her pommes frites from his kepi. --- Leslie
Muir, Atlanta, GACarmen's romance with Broderick had thus far been like a train ride,
not the kind that slowly leaves the station, builds momentum, and then
races across the countryside at breathtaking speed, but rather the one
that spends all day moving freight cars around at the local steel
mill. --- Bruce Portzer, Seattle, WAWinner: Science Fiction
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Timothy Hanson, Commander of the 43rd
Space Regiment in the 52nd Battalion on board the USAOPAC (United
Space Alliance Of Planets Attack Carrier) and second in command to
Admiral L. R. Morris of the USAOP Space Command, awoke early for
breakfast. --- Joe Schulman, Cartersville, GARunner-Up:
Lightning flashed from the blue-black sky of this alien world and
shattered the engines of the spaceship, destroying Reninger's last
chance of escaping and reminding him of the time his sister returned
from New York with the tips of her hair dyed blue, except for the part
about the lightning and the spaceship. --- Mark Murata, Kirkland, WADishonorable Mention:
The dual-headed Zhiltoids from Beta Quadrant in the Crab Nebula, who
lived entirely on a diet of steaming hot asphalt, thought they had
died and gone to heaven upon landing in the Midtown Mall of Fresno,
California on the planet Earth during the month they called "July".
--- Gregory Homer, Sacramento CAWinner: Spy Fiction
Special agent Mark Park's strong chin and
firm mouth showed that he was a man to be reckoned with, while his
twinkling blue eyes revealed surprising depths of kindness and humor,
the scar on his cheek a past filled with violence and danger, and his
left ear a fondness for M and Ms, but only the red ones. --- John R.
Cooper, Portland, OregonRunner-Up:
The KGB agent known only as the Spider, milk solids oozing from his
mouth and nose, surveyed the spreading wound in his abdomen caused by
the crushing blow of the low but deadly hassock and begged of his
attacker to explain why she gone to the trouble of feeding him tainted
milk products before effecting his assassination with such an inferior
object as this ottoman, only to hear in his dying moments an escaping
Miss Muffet of the MI-5 whisper, "it is my whey." --- David Potter,
Nagoya, JapanWinner: Vile Puns
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Vowing revenge on his English teacher for
making him memorize Wordsworth's "Intimations of Immortality," Warren
decided to pour sugar in her gas tank, but he inadvertently grabbed a
sugar substitute so it was actually Splenda in the gas. --- Becky
Mushko, Penhook, VARunner-Up
The Jones family held their annual family reunion on Easter going
through over six dozen spiral-cut, hickory-smoked hams and several
bottles of a fine Australian shiraz, before Farmer Jones, the head of
the family, took the leavings back to Manor Farm to slop Napoleon and
his other champion hogs but the seventy-six ham bones fed the pig's
tirade. --- Michael L. VanBlaricum, Santa Barbara, CADishonorable Mentions:
Jan Svenson, having changed his fortune in the annual "Scandinavian
King of the Beach" in Santa Cruz with a bottle of black hair coloring
and thus standing out in a sea of fair-haired rivals to win the
coveted title, realized the ironic truth of the old adage \"That in
the kingdom of the blonde, the one dyed man is king.\" --- Matthew
Chambers, Parsons, WVDimwitted and flushed, Sgt. John Head was frustrated by his
constipated attempts to arrest the so-called "Bathroom Burglar" until,
while wiping his brow, he realized that each victim had been robbed in
a men's room, thereby focusing his attention on the janitor, whose
cleaning habits clearly established a commodus operandi. --- Jay
Dardenne, Baton Rouge, LANell Gwynn, a descendant of the famous English actress and friend of
King Charles II, decided she would help French aristocrats, who were
being decimated by the guillotine during the French Revolution, cross
to safety in England by hiding them under her voluminous skirts and
putting off French customs inspectors by confronting them with a face
and arms covered with angry red pimples, earning for her the sobriquet
of Scarlet Pimple Nell. --- Alec Kitroeff, Psychico, GreeceGrand Panjandrum's Special Award
Upon discovering that Miles Black, the
famous phrenologist from Yorkshire was going to take up yodeling to
lonely goats in Bali, James White decided to balance four planks of
wood on a beer keg and call it an abstract work of art in the style of
a famous fourteenth-century architect, just going toprove that people will read any old garbage if they think there will
be a good pun at the end of it. --- Stefan Croker, Bury, Greater
Manchester, UKWinner: Western
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Nobody knew just who the steely-eyed
stranger was, where he came from, where he was headed, or what his
intentions were while he was in Dodge City; but he wasn't an hombre
you'd want to stick your tongue out at or flip off, and any man who
tried to tickle him would be asking for a long stay in a pine box, if
you know what I mean. --- David McKenzie, Federal Way, WARunner-Up
Bryson the Plainsman seldom spoke a discouraging word but he did when
he filed for divorce after discovering his dear and an interloper
played. --- Maree Lubran, Saratoga, CAMiscellaneous Dishonorable Mentions
Behind his pearly white smile lay a Bible black heart, not like the
Psalms with its, "Make a joyful noise unto the Lord," but like
Revelations where God just smites people. --- Elaine Deans, San Jose,
CA
She had the kind of body that made a man want to have sex with her. ---
Barry J. Drucker, Bentonville, AR
As Kevin thumbed through the thick pages of the ancient manuscript
lately found deep in the bowels of the Enzo family library in
Castellino, with its depictions and detailed woodcuts of the morbid
crimes committed during the Spanish Inquisition, he couldn't help but
marvel at the serene faces of the Florentine martyrs (Italians are so
much tougher than they look!) and thought that his own expression
would differ slightly if he were being sawn in half using the crack of
his butt as a straight-line. --- Camille Barigar and Jeff Blick, Twin
Falls, IDThere are certain people in the world who emanate an aura of well
being -- they radiate sunshine, light up a room, bring out the best in
others, and fill your half empty glass to overflowing -- yes it was
these very people thought Karl, as he sharpened his mirror-finished
guthook knife, who were top of his list. --- Jason Garbett, London,
U.K.Creeping slowly over the hill, the sun seemed to catch the small
village nestled in the valley by surprise, which is a bit unusual
really, as you'd think that something with a diameter of 865,000 miles
and a surface temperature of 5780 degrees Kelvin, and which is more
normally seen from 93,000,000 miles away, wouldn't be able to creep
anywhere, let alone catch anything by surprise. --- Malcolm Booth,
Brinsworth, Rotherham, U.K."Let's see what this baby can do, Virgil," said Wyatt, as he floored
the Charger, brushing a Dart out of the way, sideswiping an oncoming
Lancer, rear-ending a Diplomat, and demolishing a row of Rams before
catapulting head-on into the sheriff's Viper -- realizing that we'd
indeed missed the turn-off to Abilene and ended up instead, in Dodge
City. --- Paul Curtis, Randburg, South AfricaThough her beloved Roger had departed hours ago, Lila remained in
their rumpled bed, daydreaming about his strong arms, soulful eyes,
and how, when he first fell asleep, his snoring sounded not unlike two
grizzly bears fighting over a picnic basket full of sandwiches, but as
he drifted off into deeper slumber, his snoring became softer, perhaps
as if the bears decided just to rock-paper-scissors for it instead.
--- Lili R. Lillie, Alamo, CAI hadn't fallen in love with Monique because of her intellectual level
-- she referred to the 6th grade as her "senior" year -- or her habit
of eating popcorn off the floor of theaters during movies -- okay, so
maybe love
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is a bad archer with a low IQ -- but you couldn't carve a finer or
shapelier figure out of a hedge. --- Robert B. Robeson, Lincoln,
NebraskaEmerging from the dark and dusty wine cellar of Lord Parker after a
year of fattening up on wine, truffles, and caviar, head butler
Hastings, sans his servility and his tan, was well larded and ready to
slip into the Lord's slippers after pickling Parker in a punt of port.
--- Jay Solmonson, Orinda, CAThe day started out as uneventfully as any other, and continued thus
to midday and from there it was nothing at all to ease into an evening
of numbing, undiluted monotony that survived unmarred by even the
least act of momentary peculiarity -- in fact, let's skip that day
altogether and start with the day after. --- Jon Starr, Rumford, MEAs usual, Mr. Riddle came home from work, and, as usual, took the toy
poodle, Fluffy, out for her walk, and, as usual, Fluffy "did her
business" at the usual places, first at the bush, second, on the
sidewalk, and third, in the grass, so that there, on the pavement, was
evidence of Fluffy's evening sojourn: Mr. Riddle's little poodle's
middle piddle puddle. --- Dr. Ford Sutherland, Venice, FloridaWatching Felicia walk into the bar was like watching two fat
Rottweilers in yellow spandex and spike heels that had treed a scrawny
bleach blond cat at the top of a skinny flagpole that for some reason
had decided to sprout casaba melons. --- Melissa Alliston, Coraopolis,
PAHer name was Mauve, like the color of paint, which was apt: not only
was she "pretty as a painting," she was also "smart as paint," and
certainly as thin (assuming sufficient solvents had been added); she
was, however, Arnold discovered when she stepped from the shower, a
lot more fun to watch dry. --- Steven W Alloway, Granada Hills, CAWhen he concentrated, his thick black eyebrows furrowed, looking not
unlike a pair of Hypercompe scribonia caterpillars on a collision
course over the bridge of his nose, but unlike them, his eyebrows
would never evolve into giant leopard moths, and would find better
places to hover after nightfall than around her 40-watt backporch
light. --- Jane Auerbach, Los Angeles CAEarthy ochre and russet hues in the lifeless leaves which rustle under
his feet, and spiral down from the majestic trees above, signal that
October has now arrived, but of course he knew this already because he
has a calendar above his breakfast bar in the kitchen. --- Roz Black,
Rhynie, Aberdeenshire, ScotlandAs she skipped past the giant mushroom Alice was not surprised --
because, after all, she had always suspected it was opium and not
simply hookah, as many Lewis Carroll defenders had claimed, and tar
heroin had since become a much cheaper and more available alternative
-- to see the track marks up and down the Caterpillar's abdomen. ---
Chris Carlos, City of Industry, CATed feared that the line between his jobs as plastic surgeon and
butcher was blurring when he found himself injecting Botox into a rump
roast he was preparing for his wife and mother-in-law, who was a
decent person except for the hideous wart on her nose that begged to
be removed -- a simple task for his boning knife. --- Wayne
Carmichael, Tyler, TXThe homicide detective was an aging woman with a crusty and somewhat
ill-tempered personality, an individual who reminded me of the kind of
woman my mother, a Sunday-school teacher, would have been if she had
been a crusty and somewhat ill-tempered homicide detective. --- Bill
Crumpler, McKinney, TXLonely as I might like to feel -- the helplessness of loneliness, and
its simulation, is so responsibility relieving it fills me with relief
of the sort we feel after using the urinal after a long funeral of an
elderly relative we had never met -- I write this, dear reader,
because a writer talks to a word processor because he does not trust a
real person. --- Surit Das, BR, New Delhi, India
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Her lips were full and wanting in the kind of way that your tongue
anticipates the happy burn of Hunan beef followed by the cooling swill
of cheap beer, but never a malt liquor, as that would bruise the
delicate tang of monosodium glutamate, the kind that only Sue Hong
uses, that probably exacerbates her water retention, causing her lips
to be unnaturally full and plump and always thirsty. --- Larry Davick,
San Francisco, CaliforniaI heard her husky breathing as she came up the stairs, breathing
exactly the way a sled dog breathes after competing in the Iditatrod
as she sauntered into the room, her hips swiveling from side to side
like a Sherman M-4 tank with a 75mm gun forcing its way through the
hedgerows of Normandy after D-Day in 1944. --- Bruce Hannem, Citrus
Heights CAIt was a dark and stormy night, except when the lightning flashed,
because then it wasn't dark; it sort of turned the windows into a
giant disco ball for a moment, but eventually the thunder and
lightning stopped and it settled down to a steady light rain, so then
it really was dark, but it would probably be a stretch to call it
stormy. --- Laura Loomis, Pittsburg, CATom and Kelly's relationship had hit a dead end, like that road in
your neighborhood when you were little that everyone used to throw
their old chairs away at, and then the kids would use them to build
forts. --- Diana Maloney, Northampton, MAFittingly for a butcher, Carl resembled a fresh turkey -- pale,
knobby, and large through the middle with spindly appendages -- and as
he was wont to do on slow days, he had nearly finished reassembling
the hams, loins, and chops into something approaching a pig when she
walked in -- long, flat, and lean, like a flank steak, radiating a
heat that would cause him to flush, then darken, and, eventually, to
crisp up deliciously. --- David K. Mullen, Batesville, INVito watched as Robert squirmed in his life vest while the Great White
brushed against his chum-soaked and shackled body, but it wasn't until
the terrible fish circled back, finally ending Robert's evening, that
Vito, with the vision of the legless torso undulating up and down in
the Farallon current had his epiphany, and uncovered one of life's
truly great mysteries: when you shorten Robert you really do get bob.
--- Paul Olson, San Jose, CACarey, unnerved by an affair that had suffered through weeks of
volatility, walked unsteadily, her dress etching complex runes in the
fine patina of dust along the antiquated floor, to a rose-scented box
of love letters in a vain attempt to find solace, like a security fund
struggling to find liquidity in the US sub-prime mortgage market. ---
Ray Pasimio, Chicago, IllinoisAs a cold winter sun was just rising above the lonely French village
of Vicres-le-Buffeur, the forlorn figure of a man dressed in rich
Arabian silks could be seen crouching in the center of the market
square, crying softly and cradling in his arms the limp and lifeless
body of what appeared to be a large hamster. --- Arndt Pawelczik,
Hennef, GermanyThe band had stopped almost two hours ago, the musicians had packed up
their horns and strings and were halfway to Biloxi, but the lone
couple on the dance floor moved to their own silent music as they
clung to each other like barnacles on the rusty hull of an old oil
tanker with a belly full of sweet crude hoping to drop their hook at
the Big Easy before the dancing stopped. --- James Macdonald,
Vancouver B.C.Like almost every other post-Hegelian neo-hipster angst monkey at
Evergreen State College in Olympia, Rene flatly rejected the labels
society placed upon him. --- Bob Salsbury, Spokane Valley, WAIt was common knowledge around town that Bill drank like a fish, the
kind of fish that consumes large quantities of cheap scotch on a daily
basis. --- Brent Sheppard, Morganton, NCThe outlook wasn't brilliant for the Mudville nine that day -- though
the Little Leaguers themselves, who all attended Mudville's famed
Albert Einstein School for Science and Technology, were certainly
very,
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very smart. --- Stephen A. Silver, San Francisco, CA
The penguin stood on the iceberg, cutting a striking black-on-white
profile, much like the silhouette produced by a person standing behind
a screen in front of a bright light while holding up a Twinkie to
represent the penguin and placing it atop a Yorkshire terrier to
represent the iceberg. --- Sarah Totton, Owen Sound, OntarioAlthough the family resemblance was almost palpable, there was no
glint of recognition in the eyes of the
separated-at-birth-but-nearly-identical quintuplets -- Pixie, Trixie,
Moxie, Gertie, and Howard -- as they reached for the same size-10
champagne-colored lace Teddy in Filene's basement that fateful
Thursday morning. --- Julia Tryk, Shaker Heights, OHSandy applied a fresh coat of lipstick, snapped her gum and pulled the
specially-made thigh-high waders on for one last time before the New
Year rang in; Anchorage didn't hold much for a girl from the Bronx,
but Catherine the Great, in a snowdrift, had become her specialty. ---
Jane Louise Thalken, Shenandoah, IAThe tiny boat got tossed around on the ocean like a pinball in a
pinball game played by a player who was really good at hitting all of
those bumper things to get a really high score. --- Maile Valentine,
Lakeland, FLRudy's feline senses tingled as he watched Minerva pour a glass of
milk, thrusting his tongue outward involuntarily, urging him to
inexplicably lick his hand and smooth his cowlick, but he could not
let Minerva know about the vampire kitten that had sucked his neck --
attacking him with a feral ferocity that belied its adorable whiskered
face -- and how the meowing and purring that had become an integral
part of their lovemaking was really just an injection of half-dead
Calico. --- Tara Lazar, Basking Ridge, NJTown mayor Alvaredo Sanchez, in defense of Carmelita's indubitable
honor, cracked the very expensive ocean-mist smoky-blue bottle of
worm-in-bottom tequila over the badly balding head of his political
opponent senior Montaya Gonzales, who runs the Toyota factory in town.
--- Randy R. Wise, Paradise, TXGripping his terrified victim by her sensual slender neck with his
foul piercing talons like a lawnspiker, Igor the Terrible bellowed,
"How do you want to die? over the coals? with a plastic bag over your
head? with your blond hair seeped in red blood? in agony? today?
tomorrow? -- hurry up, please, my fingers are getting sore." ---
Edward Vincent Tennant, Edgemead, Cape Town, South AfricaSurveying his shattered and splintered ship, Baskin pronounced it
wrecked, glanced at his first mate, Robbins, and began a careful
assessment of his new surroundings: sand as white as whipped cream,
lush greenery layered like a cake against the fruit-filled treeline, a
vanilla sky blended into an evening as dark as chocolate with a
pie-shaped moon, prompting him to wonder aloud, "what's so
unappetizing about being stranded on a desserted island?" --- Jay
Dardenne, Baton Rouge, LAFans, Stalkers, and Others
Mariann Simms, winner of the 2003 contest, [writes about the BLFC in
her blog]{.underline}. (April 2006) Celine Shinbutsu: [Fantasy
Category winner's blog from Japan]{.underline}.[Suite.101.com interviews 2008 Winner Garrison Spik]{.underline}
(August 16, 2008)[Suite.101.com interviews the Grand Panjandrum]{.underline} (August
16, 2008)[Guillaume Destot interviews the Grand Panjandrum]{.underline} (2002)
["The Great Bulwer-Lytton Debate"]{.underline} (Manchester Guardian)
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[Sticks and Stones]{.underline} (a "new" contest, last updated August
2010)[Bulwer-Lytton\'s Ancestral Estate]{.underline}
Bulwer-Lytton's Bicentennial Birthday Celebration at Knebworth House.
[With pictures]{.underline}. (May 20-23, 2003) [Literary
Locales]{.underline}: Over 1,350 picture links to places that figure
in the lives and writings of famous authors [The Eye of
Argon]{.underline} (a Sci-Fi conference classic)[Dead White Guys]{.underline}
[Dead Dogs]{.underline}
[Shakespearean insult?]{.underline}
[Bad Sex in Fiction Award]{.underline}
[It Was a Dark and Stormy Night --- the game for people who love to
read]{.underline}[Dickens or Bulwer?]{.underline}
"Dark and Stormy Night Cocktail" from the [Swig Bar]{.underline} in
San Francisco: Pour ginger beer into a highball glass and top with
Zaya rum.Did this site give you a smile? [Perhaps you would like to give a
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