The 2009 Lyttle Lytton Contest

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The 2009 Winners

The mighty frigate Indestructible rounded the Horn of Africa and lurched east’ard.

Pika … chu, thought Pikachu.

anonymous

Alex turned to Gertrude, in much the same way Martin Landau turned to Barbara Bain in the opening of Space: 1999.

Alex Dering

For many, surfing can be a pleasant and enjoyable pastime, if you like surfing, but not Peter.

Cormac Leggatt

Zamboni doubled—​nay, TRIPLED over in happiness-demolishing agonies.

Leon Arnott

I have the ability to go through time, he suddenly remembered while at a bus stop near a tree.

Adam Box

Deep space.  The silence of the void. Shh.

Anthony Hope

I try not to fall for the same gimmicks every year, but here are a few that do some of the usual things well.  Unnecessary explanation:

Deborah walked briskly down the street with pants on her legs.

Susie Thai

Jerry’s wife looked forward to a romantic time with him, Jerry.

Neil Haven

“Ooh la la!” whispered Larry in French.

Jim Van Donsel

Farmer John admired the golden corn, sprouting from the ground like buried treasure.

Drew McWilliams

“Tectonic plates fascinate me,” she says, her eyes swiftly darting from my eyes to the ground, and back again.

Ian Waddell

That’s probably too far over the line into deliberate comedy, but I couldn’t resist.  And let’s conclude the originals with one more:

“I hope I win,” thought Ernest, blinking laboriously; he was proud to represent his country in the Olympics, but “What did it all mean?”

Deborah Grumet

Despite having ascended to the most powerful political office in the world, President Zachary Herney was average in height, with a slender build and narrow shoulders.

Deception Point by Dan Brown
quoted by Scott Silverstein

Wow.  Just… wow.  Yes, I know that presidents tend to be tall, but still… that’s the contrast you're going with?  It reminds me of a story I wrote in which I included a “surprisingly average-sized gang member”, but, like, I was a child then.  Seriously, man, this is supposed to be a prose novel—​try to be less transparent about writing it for the casting agents.  Sheesh.

A leg and part of a torso lay on the sidewalk—​the remains of Alan Tompkins.

Left Behind by Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins
quoted by Mark Wells

Huang Lee has a simple mission: deliver an ancient sword to his Uncle Kenny.

the box to Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars
quoted anonymously

Org of Otterland was not Duke Og and Duchess Dina’s first child, for that honor belonged to Natalya, brown-haired, eyed, and furred.

Org’s Odyssey by Duke Otterland
quoted anonymously

No matter what you believe, whether you’re Christian, Muslim, or Jew, this is where it probably happened.

PBS plug for a show about Israel
quoted by Josh Wood

There’s a lot I could say about that one, but for right now I think I’ll just marvel at the placement of the word “probably”.  And here we have someone who may not have been 100% clear on word definitions:

The door, which had been left open a few inches, was ajar.

Ella Manley, quoting something she read somewhere

And that just about covers 2009.  Which means that next year is (ulp) the tenth go-round with this thing.  Yet another occasion upon which to ask, criminy, where the hell did that decade go?

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